Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

We have not been communicating for a while. Well, actually since
the setback I had she shut me right out. Hardly any talk at all
and what little talk is R talk and then it just gets into anger.
But right before that we were getting along fantastic.

She is being this way to her sister and family too. I was just
talking to her sister early today and we were talking about
the situation and the change in my wife. She has been mean to
her sister and just miserable. She basically said there are
two sides to every story/relationship and my wife is trying
to block my side out.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE?!

I took some time off of work so that I could move and just focus
on some stuff. I have been keeping a journal of what is working
and whats not and I am trying to fill it with stuff from the
past that I know worked. And that leads me to this...

I noticed my wife has bought some new clothes and shoes. She
is a shoe nut. She had a bunch of extra money recently so
she spent some of it on herself (and way to much elsewhere
which I'll get to in a bit)

I have been writing some ideas down on things that I might want
to try. Just little things to test out and see the response.

Well, my wife likes to be dominated, handled a bit rough
and talked dirty too in regards to sex. In the past even
if she was mad she would come around if we started
getting sexual. We have a very close sexual bond and i know
its killing her to not be sexual right now.

There will be a few times before I leave that we will be alone
away from the kids. When she gets ready to go out I was going
to tell her something like this:

"Wow, you look really hot in those new shoes. mmmm I really want
to bang the sh*t out of you right now."

Now you have to understand that she likes that kind of talk.

Do you think I should try it? I don't want or expect to have
sex with her, I just want to make her feel hot because its
obvious to me she feels neglected in that area. She absolutely
loves that kind of talk.

I'm wondering if this would be a backslide though because
of her current anger/emotions.

I honestly think that she moved out of our bedroom because she
would be too tempted to have sex and if she had sex she would
move close to me again. When she drinks she really gets horny and
I noticed right when she decided to stay out of our room was
when she was going out a bit more. Note - She goes out with her
sister and the friend I mentioned before. I am really close to
both of them plus there's other friends of ours where they go.
I know with 100% certainty that she does not cheat when she goes
out with them. If there is OM it is text, phone and Internet
most likely.

One last thing that is probably causing a tremendous amount of
stress and guilt on her part. She has a gambling problem. It
has really gotten bad this past month. The bank statement came
and I saw a whole slew of transactions at the casinos. Several
times a day all through the end of may and all of june. She
has been going there a lot and lying about it. She told my friend
and her sister that she only went 3 or 4 times when in reality it
was more like 25 times and spent a substantial amount of money.

I've confronted her in the past (months ago) and she gets really
nasty and defensive and she'll immediately bring up stuff in the
past about me instead of what I confront her about. This most
recent time I did not confront her. Our friends and family know
about it and we are still trying to figure out how we can help
her. We've agreed that if I say anything to her it's just going
to make our problems worse. This is really hard. She has been
neglecting the kids, not rally cooking, buying all fast food
etc.

I know that lot of her anger has to be because of that guilt
and the lies she is keeping up. Even the kids are starting to
suspect something. She always says she is going to the store,
but does not come home with bags or only comes home with
a couple of things she grabbed quick on the way back. I've written
down dates and compared them to the bank statement and it coincides
perfectly. She has gone with her sister sometimes, but her sister
said lately she did not want to go with her because she was spending
too much money and wanted to go too often. My wife would then snap
at her and get mad. Her mood is great when she is "going to gamble"
and it immediately changes into hostility to everyone around her
when shes not or cant go.

This sitch is so Fckd up I don't know what to do. I love this
woman more than anything in the world and I feel really helpless
and lost here.

My sister in law said that maybe she needs to hit rock bottom
before she wakes up. I really would hate to see that happen to
her. She's spent a lot of her income tax at the casino, which
is why there are so many transactions this month. She had all
that extra money to blow through.

My one daughter has a disability and she is going to a special
camp next month. We were supposed to go with her, but it got
way to expensive. It's 1k per person just for the air fair, not
to mention hotels, car, food, entertainment etc. Anyway, we
decided a while ago that just her and my wife would go and they
could use a bunch of the savings we had. Then all this happened
and during one of her rants the other day she screamed at me
saying "I cant even go on vacation with my daughter because of
you." Because we split the income tax, which was her decision
to begin with. In reality she does not have enough to go because
of all the money she spent at the casinos.

MOVING

Part of me thinks moving out is the right thing to do because
of how well it worked in the past and because it will give
her space. However, part of my thinks it's a mistake because
it might give her more of an opportunity to seek out OM.

I could make an excuse that i have to wait to move and ask
her to move in our bedroom and I'll fix up another bedroom,
but I think that will just make her hostile.

Sister in law and friend basically validated both points.

Today I have no clue what to do.

I could really use some advice.

- Scott