although, the most miserable guys I've ever seen where the poor guys, who somehow got dragged to a Enrique Iglesias concert! LOL, you could've sword they were going be gassed by the despondent look on their faces as hundreds of us screeched at ear splitting volume when lover boy would croon
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I agree with Brig. It's not necessarily a lack of interest in us if a guy doesn't want to go shopping. Heck most men don't. It's not their thing. In fact there are somethings that we weren't meant to do together and that's probably one of them. I do however think that it's a sweet gesture to offer to go at all.
Wow Cat!!! I'd just thought I'd look for your thread since I haven't checked on you in so long and you sound soooooooo happy!!!! Wow, even happier then when you were in piecing. It's like you were trying to put all the pieces together and they just kept buckling or not fitting quite right, but now you've put that puzzle aside and are just living your life. I'm so glad! :-)
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Our men don't have to love everything we do.And I would love to have a man who doesn't care what I look like once and a while.
Hey Brig, if he's got a sister, send her my way
Hey cat, I never looked miserable, X and I just came to the understanding that following her around, and commenting on how a thing did or didn't look was not productive. She understood I would rather be with her and the kids than to be separate for the day (funny how it could apply to a day but not to our marriage? ) When she shared with me her particular finds, I would genuinely complement her and even play a guessing game of what a bargain each item was and put a price tag on it. It was funny because I got to know what she thought was a good value (she shopped a lot but was a bargain hunter with good taste). I would guess fairly accurately and she feign frustration that I knew her well enough (at least her shopping patterns) to guess the prices.
I never looked miserable, wishing to be swallowed up, but then we also never went to an Enrique concert together.
cat,
So, did you have a blessed day?
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
hey sweets))))))))) rot, I see you here and there, giving advice and help, you are a doll. Yes, I do feel much better, I was glad stbx was with me when I was piecing but I was in a constant state of cat-like readiness "is he happy?" "what can I do to make him happy?" "I wonder if he appreciates the good time we are having now", etc etc, all I tried to do is put up a show so he'd like being with me and kids. I now live for me, my kids, and my God (not in that order )
Beth and C2H, I had a great weekend camping! it rained at night but we had a great time feeding wild bunnies and eating smores, it was awesome having so many people around (and I appreciated the help putting up/away the tent). Only twice that I talked about what went on to 2 people, almost cried for a bit, but it passed, and the rest of the time I felt great. The 2 people that asked about my sitch actually asked me "don't you have a longing to be with your H" and "how do you do it, it must be so hard!". I just had to give credit to God who takes my heartache whenever it comes.
When I came home I felt so renewed! surprised at the thought that I spend so many hrs thinking of the whole mess (of course I think of that stuff much less frequently). Too bad stbx came and with him the stupid parking permit of ow's in his car, I felt a pang in my heart. I know he's with her, but seeing something as concrete as that hurts in a particular way.
Perhaps I'm still fooling myself and as long as I think they are not together all the time it doens't hurt. I think I hurt mostly because he swore up and down he couldnt' be with her and how it was all over, I think that's the part that really makes me mad, for I wouldn't lie in such away and then turn around and do what I said I'd never do.
Whatever, have to remember to not give stbx/A/ow that much power in my head/heart by thinking too long about them.
Life is good, I have so many things to look forward to (I think my 3 favorite cousins are coming with me to the concert!!!)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I so understand everything that you wrote, been there, done that.
Thes best thing for me about working after ex left was that between 8:30 & 4:00 I felt like a normal prson. When I would go home I would fall apart? So getting out of town and the change of scenery gave me peace. When we're home everywhere we look there is a reminder of our former life.
The thing about wanting to believe that H & OW aren't together was another biggie for me. I guess for me as long as I thought that there wasn't someone else that meant there was always a chance. I wanted to believe everything he said and in fact could never reconcile myself to the thought that someone I loved could look me in the eye and boldface lie. I still don't understand how someone could do that.
I'm so glad you had such a good time and that you were surrounded by people who care.
Guess I had a spoilt upbringing! My dad willingly went shopping whenever my mum wanted (and still does). He came in every shop including when we were shopping for lingerie. He never moaned and always gave an honest opinion of what we were buying. It might have something to do with the fact that his mum was a single mum and he had 8 sisters (most of them older than him). Even when he was first M to my mum my grandma would tell him he had to pick his youngest sister up from whatever date she was on (and he invariably took the boyfriend home as well!). He wouldn't have dared say no. Funny how the world changes from one generation to the next. Just in case anyone is wondering my grandma wasn't a female tyrant but a very well respected mother.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I just think that your Dad was the exception. He sounds like he was a wonderful Father. I had one of those as well but I think now that he came to give me his opinion because I didn't have a Mother. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that shopping was not one of his favorite things, but he did it and that's what counts.
I remember having this exact conversation with a group of girlfriends and I don't think there was a husband in the bunch who liked to go shopping with them. We go into shopping as a day out. They look at it as a necessary errand. They want to go and get out quickly. For some guys (like my ex), the thought of going to the mall was painful.
) When she shared with me her particular finds, I would genuinely complement her and even play a guessing game of what a bargain each item was and put a price tag on it. It was funny because I got to know what she thought was a good value (she shopped a lot but was a bargain hunter with good taste). I would guess fairly accurately and she feign frustration that I knew her well enough (at least her shopping patterns) to guess the prices.
)