I think I've been having increased anxiety and depression lately because the reality of the deadline is looming large overhead.
I can validate you on this 100%. I have a little bit more than 5 weeks before I pack up and leave here. I will be leaving a good job, quiet and friendly neighborhood, and easy slow pace of life and heading to the East Coast (DC area). Next week I fly out to find a house and I am just dreading it. I know that I could very well just dig my feet in and stay here, however in my heart I know that would really be the end of the M and I'm not willing to let that happen at this point. Feel I owe it to my girls to do everything I can to keep this family together. It is very hard though and a constant struggle because my head tells me the smarter thing for me is to stay put. I tell you the decision is really causing more anxiety than I've ever felt. If we all get out there and my W returns a couple of months later for good and has no desire to save this M I am going to be one very unhappy camper.
Today is a tough day for me. I'm taking my girls to a two week summer camp, so I will be without them for a while. They love the camp so I'm glad they are getting a chance to go, but I will miss their smiling faces around the house and it will be rather empty with just myself. Last year it was nice because it gave my W a chance to have 2 weeks to ourselves and go camping and hiking together and spend some quality time. It was a really nice time for us. How things have changed so quickly is beyond me.
Time to start getting some coffee going and girls up for church.
