2nd full day with d today. I didn't realize -- it's hard to plan activities all day with a 5 year old!! lol. prior to the bomb, we either usually did things as a family on the weekends or h would take her bike riding and then maybe later I would play with her -- we took turns, you know?
As glad as I am that I have primary custody, I have to get into this single mom mode. d crawled into my bed this morning at 4:30. I've been up pretty much since, I put her back in her bed and she came right back.
anyway, I'm still a bit scared about my future (money-wise), but I have a job and just landed a new client yesterday. I have to get back to that young girl who moved to nyc with a guitar and 200 bucks and made it! I've never relied on a man to take care of me, even in past relationships until the past 2 years with h. I've kind of lost my "mojo" so to speak.
also, going back to school is VERY important to me and I have to figure out how this is going to go. my tuition is free (h works there), so that's not the problem. he will be paying the mortgage for the next year (yeah me, I fought him on that and WON).
so there is actually a part of me that is exited about my future. if h hadn't left, affair, etc, I would NEVER have been thinking about going back to school. it's in a field I am passionate about and I know it will be great for me (and d).
I still feel sadness and miss h, but now that d is back, and h has been out of the house for 3 months, I am getting used to it. isn't that amazing? I know he's in the throws of the ow fog, but there is nothing I can do about it. nothing.
I don't obsess over ow and him, believe it or not. she's a symptom, not the cause.
as I have told you guys before, what I mourn is the family aspect we had. the little things. that's the hardest part.
