Well, it's been a couple of days and things are moving faster than I expected. I'm not sure how the next few weeks are going to go. Now that things are changing, I'm finding myself worrying about how to keep everything from snapping right back into place.
First for Alimari: I know what you mean, but I don't think a lack of passion is the problem. When we make love, it's clear that I'm 100% focused on her. There's nothing distracted or lackluster about it. The only trouble I have in that department--and maybe your "h" did too--is that frankly I have trouble with premature ejaculation, so there are times when I have to slow down or even stop lest the whole thing end right there. I've tried to work on this, but it's hard to learn much or change much having sex once every 1-2 months. Other than that, my trademark is zeal, passion, and fanatical devotion to the job at hand. Or tongue. Or whatever.
For Dancequeen:
Quote:
please give some consideration to the OTHER SIDE of the fence and see that men are not just "easy" to figure out and make love to and have fulfilling relationships with.
I wouldn't be here if I weren't doing that. Frankly I think I'm trying pretty hard. It may not look that way to you, sitting there reading my floundering and knowing more or less how it turns out in the end, but I've been considering her feelings since I met her. It still sounds like we're talking about pretending to be strong, but only to a point. For instance, I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to be independent, but if I express irritation at someone playing mind games with me, I'm not considering her feelings. That makes no sense to me. If the problem is that I'm acting too much like a weakling, fine. I'm not a weakling and I can make that change. But it defies logic to expect me to be strong and take charge, but do it meekly. I considered her feelings, but that doesn't mean I don't have any.
Now on to the update/journaling: We went on and had a good day on Thursday. The twins and I had fun in the morning, and when my wife came home she and the baby both took a long nap. The twins picked a restaurant and we went out for dinner, they got presents, and we went to the mall (this is a big deal for them.) I bought the boys comic books, and she let the baby play in the play space. We snuck long kisses in where we could, and she was really enjoying them, so I took a chance at home before we left and told her I wanted to make love that night. She made an excuse, and I shot it down. She told me her period wasn't over. This has always been a dealbreaker for her; she says her period is gross. But I figured I'm being assertive here, and if she gives me a flat no I can always show how strong and nonchalant I am (well, am not, which is almost the same thing, isn't it?) about rejection. I was rubbing her back at the time, so I asked her: "So, right now, while I'm rubbing your back, does it feel good or are you thinking about your period?" "Well . . . it feels good." "And if I kiss your neck like this . . . does that feel good, or do you want me to stop because you have your period?" "OK, that does feel good. I know." "All right . . . what if you give sex a shot, and it feels good, too?" "OK, we'll see. How about a maybe?"
I was overjoyed at maybe. Maybe is better than I've grown to expect. I told her maybe was fine. Actually, I told her maybe was good enough because I was going to put the kids to bed and then bring her to bed, by the hand if necessary. Unfortunately, by the time we got home from the birthday stuff, it was late and the baby was fairly pissed off that his routine had been changed. I caught her eye: "Honey, I have to tell you something, but if I tell you the truth, you promise you won't get angry?" "Sigh . . . . what is it?" "I don't want you to take this personally, but I'm going to have to say 'no' tonight. You're too tired. Let's get some sleep." "I love you."
I thought that was pretty good. It wasn't going to happen anyway, and better I say so than hang on and force her to take charge and reject me for the thousandth time.
Probably should have kept it in mind for tonight, but I was trying something. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First the triumph of Friday night.
