random Dommage

[Dom R]

I tried the "5 languages of apology" approach, on the trip.
Due to prior failures with verbal communication, I went the "write a letter" approach. (2 days ago, on the 19th, i gave it to her) Although I gave a long verbal pre-amble first. sigh.
I dont think she believes in apologising herself, or asking for forgiveness herself.... So I think she is similarly ... uncaring, about people attempting to ask for her forgiveness. Unlike ms-ladybug's spouse, I dont think that my wife has at all been waiting for me to apologise. So.... I didnt have high hopes going in.

But... it's something I have not tried yet. So I attempted an 'act as if (it might work)' attitude, and tried the whole 9 yards:
- Acknowleged what I did, and that it was wrong of me to do so
- Expressed regret that I had done so.
- Said that I would not do it again
- Asked for forgiveness
- Offered to do any action or task she might suggest, if it would help her
forgive me.

It triggered a "talk". But not really oriented towards forgiveness. It was more of the usual "rant against Dom and what he has done" flavor.
This time, I actually attempted to defend myself, in order to possibly deflate the "rantworthyness" of her complaints. and I think that was a good thing.
There are gripes against me that she keeps bringing up, as a distraction pattern against whatever I am actually talking about at the time, and I dont defend myself because I dont want to distract from the main topic. So, I think that she has previously "successfully justified" her resentment levels against me.

so... this time, I actually brought up my side of things. Fairly successfully. She kept jumping from topic to topic; when I had some reasonable success at defending myself against complaint #1... rather than acknowlege what I had said, she jumped to complaint #2, and so on. But she wore me down, around complaint #5 or something.

We didnt really spend much time in the actual what does it take to forgive? side of things. She claims from time to time that she is "still thinking about it".

Usually, in the past, that means, "i dont wish to talk about it any more".
But in the more recent past, I have seen a positive change from her, of actually having a response to certain things, that I thought she was only stalling on like before.
Soooo... I guess I shall attempt to be patient and re-ask from time to time, rather than just give up on it just yet.