Thanks Ladies, that really means alot...
So I am sitting here by myself. H, Boys nite out.
Scary part is I am ok with it and at the same time like I said previously, I am scared.
Yesterday he went out too and I was ok with it and then when he got home ... at 2 am.
I felt a tinge of anger, I felt like maybe he would just suddenly turn into old him..?

I dunno it is weird...!

I keep having flashbacks of the old him and feel like this new him is a lie, even though I know in my heart these changes are becoming very real....
It doesnt make sense and then it does....


Today he was fabulous too.... he is alot more respectful and kind and trying real hard to please me.... and be a MAN!

Last nite he was even pretending to be frisky with me and I was sort of ugly. I said yeah sure like you are really going to do that... and he just frowned.

I dunno why I am getting like that?

Just one year ago he was so different... really very incosiderate.. and now that he is really being the Man I want I find myself pushing the envelope/freaking out/testing him.... maybe I can refer to it like that? CRAZY?

I am braver with him and he doesnt stay mad for long which is great.

I am able to say things that for years I held in.


Today for instance he said " when we lived in Florida I let her buy whatever she wanted and I was really good to her.."

I wondered when the F*** he did that.. he was always yelling and controlling and partying.....
I never shopped at the mall?

So I see how in his mind he felt I was so wrong.. here he thought he was giving me the world and I felt he was controlling and mean...
UUGGH~!

I wanted it to be the way it is now.... not big gifts every now and then .. just small gestures of real love every single day.

I wanted him to make love to me , to show me that I was evrything to him. I wanted him to hold my hand and feel the love he had for me.
I wanted him to touch my back not cause he wanted to get off but b/c he just wanted to say hey I love you....
I wanted him to say .. I love you and really and truly mean it. Not just be words you say at the end of a phone call.
I wanted him to take me out and have fun with me all by ourselves and now we do that and we even talk the whole time.... things are so different....


I was also really proud of myself cause we talked on the phone 2 days ago and he was yelling and screaming about how he needs my help and he is stressed etc etc etc... and I normally would absorb it and cry alot.

Instead I let him rant and rave * ( a few tears did roll down my face) and calmy said ok and then took a deep breath and let it go.
Called him back when I did what he asked and said see its done it took me 5 minutes and you got all upset, it is ok to feel but you take it too far sometimes.



PHEEW~!
I feel better and I am ging to take your advice DQ and NTE... so last nite no Initiating by me and we'll see what he does tonite when he returns.
But then I will most likely give him breakfast in bed Sunday morning! * wink * wink* ~ you are right NTE, if I can give him that then when evrything else seems wrong he has me there to hold him and be his Woman....
The beauty and power of being a good Wife... there is no greater gift to a Man than that.
Well maybe a Ferrari?


I do like to be taken by him and devoured like an Eclair... I have learned the art of taking him again like I used to and he knows how to take me he is just in stress mode right now but I miss it and I hope he steps up soon.....

Thanks for listening and thanks for your support everyone...
To me it is still amazing to see his growth and heck mine too for that matter.
life is too short...

and the best thing you can do is give the best of you in the moment you are in ..... it really works.
God bless...
~Ali