Number 8, still too late for DB to work.

[cw68]

I don't need to lock up the valuables, he's only emotionally twisted.

Regarding child support, it's weird. The formula numbers that my lawyer pulled up are not that encouraging. Actually, the temporary numbers are, but the permanent ones aren't. Less than 1/10th of his gross monthly income to the kids at 50/50 custody. After some calculations on an expected income for me (after being out of the work force for 7+ years) and the cost of housing in CA, I couldn't even get a lease for an apartment in our town because I wouldn't pull in 3x income as most management companies require. I'd either have to have my parents or my H co-sign. H does want to see me end up buying something following the sale of this house and is looking at what he'd have to do to allow that to happen.

Here's where things get sticky. I tell him that's all fine and good, but since it will be a weird situation (everything about our splitting is non-conventional) it would have to be iron-clad in writing so that a potential future girlfriend couldn't screw it up. He said, why would that happen? Me: H, you never know. she might not like ties to your ex, might try to get in between us/you and the kids, etc. Him: that's absurd. Why would that happen? Me: Happens all the time. Girl/boyfriend relationships can really f things up. H just doesn't want to think of anything except how he thinks it's going to be: the perfect divorce.

Another sticky thing is child support. It's woefully unfair. I would have less than $1000 after rent and child care to cover car expenses, my medical, 1/2 all kid expenses, car insurance, savings, etc. Yes, it can be done. But he'd have more than 5x that after his expenses. Fair? No. So my lawyer said that if you go before a judge, the judge is not allowed to use a formula. They must weigh about 12 factors in light of the marital standard of living, your needs, and his ability to pay. So, I could look at different levels of income for me, and how much I anticipate monthly expenses to be and then see if he could fill in the gap.

Unless we figure this out together, above and beyond the formula numbers, I'll be going to see a judge. I know I'd get a better deal for the kids and me. Hopefully this doesn't come off as too greedy. It's really not. But I'm almost 40 years old and after being quite comfortable financially for the past nine years, I'd be back to struggling while the person I supported sat back rolling in the dough after dumping my weight. Wrong.

CBK. texted you. was it right? Yes, dinner recommendations would be good. I'll be staying at the UN Millennium Hotel as part of a Dept. of Defense symposium being held at the UN.