What do I want from life?

[KAW]

I'mmmm baaaack ... OK, let's get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?

CJ’s been doing his on-line MA for about 4 weeks now. It was supposed to be a 10 hour a week commitment. Try quadrupling that or more!

Does that mean he may accomplish getting his MA in one fourth the timeframe?! If so, is that worth the trade off?

But since he started, his contributions to the household have dropped significantly ... The house is pretty much a mess.

I can relate to this one!! I'd come home and all kinds of toys in the yard, bike laying in the driveway so I couldn't pull in with the car.
Open the door only to have something right there on the floor. As soon as I was in the door, I would go off about on D9 & W about all the crap laying around the house inside and out. The next day it was more of the same. Was stressing me out big time and CAW got the point she dreaded my arrival. Now, I overlook much of it ... move what I need to out of my way or just step over it and you know what ... I found out its worth getting all worked up over. I can let it go for now and concentrate on settling in first. I make a point of not saying anything until after dinner. That way I'm not so stressed out and then I address it calmly with D9 directly and ask CAW if she needs a help with what she was to be taking care of. If she takes me up on my offer, I graciously join her and found out that even doing chores together can be a way to enjoy more time together. Its changed the whole attitude in the household when I get home now and I've noticed the obstacle course to get in the house isn't as challenging as it use to be.

The one thing that doesn't work is keeping a scorecard mentality. If its something that really important to you, then ask yourself ... OK how can I chip in so he wants to take care of these things too. Use more of a honey vs vingar approach. I've discovered while I had to share more of doing the things she was expected to do at first, she then started doing them more and more on her own.

Just like the outcome with the cable modem, much of the time when resentment starts to swell, its a matter of keep quiet, riding it out, and then looking at how you can go about approaching differently in order to diffuse the resentment rather letting it grow. Just last week, I had lost a big post myself. Now if I have a large post I make sure I copy it into Notepad or Word before trying to send. Its a way of doing what I can in my sphere of influence in order to minimize my expectations from others. It reduces my feelings of disappointment and resentment while striving to hold myself to a higher standard.

Although he DID reply to an e-mail of mine that he really enjoys our discussions over dinner and wine.

This is an important detail to keep in the back of your mind. In the chapter about "Asking for what you want" or in other words, improving communication, atmosphere and timing are very important to how they receive what we are telling them. So the next time, you have a sensitive subject to discuss (like maybe some intimacy issues), you might want to try working it in at this time, as he is relaxed enough to look at the topic in a different light than he has before.

There would probably be a bit more adventure too, as boredom has been a big issue in the past, particularly for me. Lately, not so much...

This is a big one for us too. I think what we need to do here is to not lose our new found impulsiveness ... remain spontaneous ... make sure we do the things we come up with on a moments notice some of time rather than keep putting them aside because of something we should be taking care of. Because of all the time CJ is putting into this on-line MA, he might run into this...

You and CJ do seem to be in a good place now and really it now its about doing more of what you know works.

Have a good one ...

'til later,
KAW