Had a long meeting at work, not enough sleep. Came home, CJ'd finished his school work and was downloading some songs on his laptop.
I mentioned our proposed trip to camp...usually the planning of such is so onerous for me, details, what to pack, food, meals, weather, arrrgggh!!...
But CJ (wisely) tore his attention from the music, suggested I start a list and we worked it out. I was just about to say "this is what I hate about going to camp..." but caught myself just in time! WHY make it worse than it is?? So we decided on what to bring, and I said I felt like a nap.
CJ said he felt like one too...at first I jokingly said "No!, you have to go get all this stuff!", he said "Just 15 minutes?" and I Said "Well, maybe 17 minutes, you've earned that much "
Then I (very wisely) asked him to massage this knot in my shoulder (woke up with it) and he did. We climbed into bed together, dozed, dreamed, cuddled and made love .
He's out getting the stuff now, I'm waiting on a Pizza!
Have a great weekend all! If I'm not back tonight, I'll be back Sunday night or Monday.
Shiny
P.S. Why the physical initiation on his part today? Perhaps the fact that we've both been in good moods for several days, no bickering etc. Plus, I think he knew it was "time"!
I'm jealous of the way your weekend started! I hope the rest went as well.
David hasn't felt that way in about 3 weeks. But he has been just plain feeling bad last several visits. Plus I did have a week out there.
I think the no bickering might have a big thing to do with it as well. At least if it were David I think it would as Sat. he said well just not in that mood, you have to admit it hasn't been a great week.
So keep up the good DBing!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Weekend didn't go exactly according to plan. My shoulder was so sore on Sat. that we just stayed home. Did make it out for yesterday and today. Very nice to get away. Took some long walks, got more sun than I should have, despite the SPF 45.
Just catching back up on people's threads. I have been sooo busy with kids and no time to come onto boards lately. But I have missed you guys. I lurk a lot but don't always post, I just don't really know what to say when people's situations are so complex. Sorry to hear about your nana but glad she is doing OK now. This has reminded me to phone my nana and thank her for my birthday card (she is 93 and has multiple health problems). Thanks for the reminder and glad to hear you and CJ finally clicked
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
How embarrassing is this...I post to you for a time, and then forget that "Haphazard" is "Fran"! ...You couldn't just keep things simple like I did, NOOOOO!
Things are fine here...well except for some resentments about stuff around the house etc. But the weather is just great (a little too hot for me, truth be told), class is going fine...we went to the marina again tonight and hackey sacked our butts off..
Also sharing a few e-mails with CJ. I kind of like it, although I wonder if it brings back any "ghosts" for him. (he met both OW on line ).
He got 90% on his first major assignment. I KNEW he could do it, guy is smart!...but I e-mailed him a congratulation and some encouragement.
Hi Jeannine...is it possible they've locked up your thread at 138 posts and mine is still chugging at 166??? (My last one hit over 240!)
At any rate, can't reply there...so I'll do so here.
I'm with KAW on this one (again!). It isn't essential to spend months "on the couch" exploring in detail the distant past. That was the classic Freudian approach.
Most counsellors today (not yours apparently) are more present oriented. Someone who follows the Cognitive-Behavioural school is more interested in changing what is going on NOW...with very effective techniques, depending on the problem.
But, alas, "existential" issues, (like: "What do I want from life???") tend to require SOME delving into past patterns, at least to see where they mislead us etc. I think an "autopsy" of his previous R's is not a bad idea.
So, how to find a C (yours wasn't suggesting he go to her, was she?) who will win him over with a concrete action plan, and be able to delve when necessary...hmmmm...
Quoting shinybear from lostlove's "ponderings" thread: KAW...you say you're posting from work?? Any openings?? JK!!!
Yea, I can't quite quit my day job to help here, but I do what I can. I think taking something here would be a bit a commute for you?!, besides you seem to be in your element where you are at!
So, I finally forced myself to drop by ...
I want to say thanks for being a cheerleader for me here. You are quite a PMA booster!
Things seem to be working out well for you. You seem to have quite a bit of positive momentum going that is carrying you over the bumps now, but ...
Quoting shinybear: ...well except for some resentments about stuff around the house etc.
OK, what is this about? What are you doing to work at diffusing it so it doesn't fester?
I have admit I only went back a coule of page into this thread, but after a 166+ posts, have you come up the answers to the title of your thead yet before having to move on to a new one? Shiny, how about looking at it as "How do I picture my life being like if I truly felt I was as happy as I can be?" What would M be like then? What would be the next step to getting there? That could qualify as a title for your next thread.
SOOOOO glad to have you post here….I must forewarn everyone that this post may be a tad scattered as I had composed a LENGTHY response to you (oh about a half hour’s worth) but our computer jammed up when I tried to post it.
More about that later.
Now let’s see how much of your post I remember…I’m composing this in Word, just in case.
Yes, I agree that I’m probably where I should be! Alas I can’t remember where you hail from right now!
And as for the Cheerleading…only for those who deserve it, pal.
And of course you had some pointed and intriguing questions to pose…..
About the “ household resentments ”…CJ’s been doing his on-line MA for about 4 weeks now. It was supposed to be a 10 hour a week commitment. Try quadrupling that or more! Now he IS working hard and acing this thing….4 more assignments in, 100% each!
But since he started, his contributions to the household have dropped significantly …cooking, cleaning, laundry…he does mow the lawn, garbage, waters the gardens, does some grocery shopping.
The house is pretty much a mess. Not just cluttered, but kinda dirty. I guess it irks me that we had a discussion months ago in which I said that it would help my stress levels and please me SO much if the house were given a once over by the end of the week. He did this….twice, I think.
He had agreed to pick some items up yesterday when I got home from work, but instead I offered to do it, hit Walmart, two grocery stores and the liquor store. I think part of that was about control . I wanted to stock up on some things…plan for more than today. When CJ shops it’s usually the few needed items.
It was fine, had a quick but yummy dinner (Kraft dinner velveeta shells and cheese…with my own Scooby-do pasta….broccoli…side of tuna salad with fresh chives…it’s not always gourmet!)…had fun out, as posted above.
Last night CJ said (voluntarily) that he was going to vacuum today while I was teaching. Nope.
After work, I tackled my final exam for a few hours, then picked beans and herbs from the yard. Making an old family recipe “Bean Stew” for dinner. (Home made tomato beef sauce…new potatoes, carrots, fresh herbs….fresh rye bread for dipping).
At first, I felt the old rumble of resentment start…here I am at the end of my work week (well not exactly, have to finish that exam tomorrow), and he’s on his lap top ...weeelll, working on the proposal for his thesis project, met with a potential collaborator today...
It's not like he was downloading songs or something.
BUT my feeling in THAT moment was: "He hasn't put enough hours into that this week? He can’t ask if I’d like help with the dinner prep (he does this sometimes)?
But then I just decided to let it go. To tune into the moment, each moment of picking, (mosqiuitoes! ) chopping, sautéing, stirring, simmering. Music would have been nice, but I didn’t want to ruin his concentration.
So I had the stew simmering nicely, came in to post and BAM! Post erased.
You see CJ has had one hell of a time getting his remote modem to work correctly. Has had to talk to endless help-line staff…he is very patient. Earlier today, I had an e-mail fail to go as our computer defaulted to an old dial-up connection we used before the cable. I asked him about it, cut and pasted, saved THAT message…asked if it might happen here on the BB…he said yeah, he’d been having similar problems on his lap top.
But when it defaulted again while posting on the bb, the whole works locked up…CJ rebooted it and the message was gone!!!
All it took to fix was to delete the dial-up as the back-up system. About 10 keystrokes, perhaps?
NOW…my pre-Dbing approach would have been to freak out, yell, huff, puff, moan, groan, get angry right away, blame CJ, probably with biting sarcasm…”Like you couldn’t have fixed it the first time?
Instead, I was upset, but said I needed a glass of wine (first one, come on!) and a break before I tried to resurrect this post. CJ did sense anger, I did mention my frustration over losing the post, and that the same cues being present earlier today when the glitch first happened. He explained that it just didn’t occur to him then, how to fix the problem. Okay, fair enough. Tensions de-escalates….stew continues to simmer.
KAW, I had much to say in response to your challenging questions…but perhaps I’ll try to post this goliath of a message first….may not get back here ‘til later…stew’s almost done!
But he has been just plain feeling bad last several visits. Plus I did have a week out there. 
...You couldn't just keep things simple like I did, NOOOOO!
I think taking something here would be a bit a commute for you?!, besides you seem to be in your element where you are at! 
You seem to have quite a bit of positive momentum going that is carrying you over the bumps now, but ...
Now he IS working hard and acing this thing….4 more assignments in, 100% each! 