in limbo and an emotional mess...

[MAZ]

Thanks Sues,,i don't know when H will tell OW, we were supposed to talk the other nite and as usual he didn't show, said he got tied up at work, but earlier had called and started again with the "when was the last time you talked to OW's ex" again..but then called me at 2 a.m. to tell me he ran into my mom at the hospital and that my grandmother was in the hospital and not doing well... so things focused on that for a while and he apologized for not showing up but said we would still talk this weekend. Needless to say was on the phone with my sisters from about 3 am until about 5 then at 7 was on my way to the hospital with my sister to see my grandmother, that was an all day vigil, then left to bring my son to his baseball game and H and I were to talk after that when I got home, I got very upset on the phone with him when I was at the baseball field for several reasons,, my grandmother, the game was rain delayed and we didn't get done until 8:45 and then still had to continue it this morning and the whole pregnancy thing and I really was looking forward to talking with him, he got mad that I was crying
yelled "whats wrong now" on the phone and hung up,, didn't talk to him the rest of the night. Got home from baseball around 9 then got a phone call to get to the hospital right away because they didnt expect my grandmother to make the night, so was there until 1 a.m. and got a call around 2 a.m saying she was gone. Left H a message this morning letting him know and he called me back around noon today, said he'd "try" to stop by later today so we can talk, but I"m not holding my breath, there are so many sneaky things going on which I continue to find out about including that H is walking around talking to people who are now tied to people I used to be friends with 10-12 years ago and blatantly telling them how much he hates me, etc. and of course those people think he's a saint.. he is making me out to be this horrible person to everyone so they feel sorry for him,, or at least that is how it is being made to sound to others... funny thats how he got tied in with OW,, by saying how awful I am,, there are so many lies going on I never know what to believe anymore,, pregnant or not I don't know what to do,,,, he is truly sincere when we talk or are together, but the second my back is turned it seems all he does is talk trash about me,,, so I will have to talk about that as well when we talk at some point. OW called me last nite looking for H I said I was on the way to hospital and didn't know where he was that he walked back here with my son from the fire dept and because he was mad because I was upset he took the bike from the garage and supposedly rode it to his place, she then proceeded to tell me that he has to make a choice and that every time she threatens to leave him he says he wants to be with her and pretty much begs her to stay... huh,, funny, yet I get hung up on...I don't knwo where this is all going to go anymore..I really would like to have a drink or two to just relax right now,, and I can't, I didn't know it was such a crime to be upset with everything going on right now and then my grandmother passing away on top of it... going to be an early night I think,,, I don't think he will stop by tonight, but we'll see.