girlfromipanema x 4

[girlfromipanema]

Hello Sara. I didn't think your statement was stupid. I truly believed my husband was one of the few men I've ever known who would honor his commitments. In his mind, he has. He will not try to understand why his relationship with "her" is something that threatens our marriage. Something has happened during the course of the past four years. I may be very difficult to live with and love on a daily basis. Only he knows the answers, but he doesn't feel obligated to share them with me.

Our wedding was not an extravagent affair. We were only engaged for a month and had a tiny ceremony and no reception. A year later we had a lovely reception in Malaysia, where his family lives. I never dreamed of a big wedding, being the center of attention. That is not my style. Sometimes I wonder if we married for the same reasons. I wonder if I was afraid of losing him if I didn't accept his proposal right away. I told him I wasn't ready, that I needed to work on myself a little... could we wait six months? He said we could, but he would have to return home to Malaysia. I felt a little pressured because he was our company's "savior". Recently I asked if he married me for citizenship and he said it was extremely insulting to suggest such a thing. Our love story isn't the romantic ideal, but we had a very strong connection and we were best friends for many years.

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I just returned from my painting class. My husband is working Saturdays to finish his project. He forgot his cell phone on the kitchen counter. It just rang. I'll let you guess who was calling. I cannot control what they do. I can only control my reactions. I used to admire my husband more than anyone, he is losing my respect.

On a positive note, I really love the way my new painting is coming along. It's a still life and it's so much more fun than my first painting, which I'm still unsatisfied with, but trying to fix.

I'm going to do some housework and enjoy the rest of my Saturday.