Your right Mink I Know. I just printed this last part off and its in my clip board in my squad bag!!
O and she called again today. must have been wondering what I all did last night. asked how my birthday went.
so by using The guide above I will respond by text saying "B-day went well. I just got orders so Im working 3-3 so I guess the celabrations over. have a good day."
Im not trying to sound dumb but is that a good responce?
I think it's too much, Marcum...you're giving her more than she asked. If she asks a question that you must respond to, ONLY answer the question, don't volunteer more info than she asks for. I know it sounds harsh, but it's necessary.
She asked how your birthday went.
"B-day was awesome, thanks"
And wait a couple hours before sending it.
Based on how you've been up to now, this will be a huge 180, and will put her off balance, wondering what the hell you're up to. Stay the course. Be consistent. PERIOD!
And when you talk...be nice, smile, act happy and enthusiastic. You're glad to see her!
But nothing mushy, you are not at that stage at all. If she doesn't initiate a kiss or hug, then you are not allowed to. If she does, then go for it, but don't go overboard.
MM just gave you the best birthday gift. You should use it. I'm going to. I have been following his advice for two months and whenever I don't, I lose two months. It is all there. Don't lose this page! Thank you Marcum for posting your struggle. And thank you MM for keeping an eye out.
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
Thanks Lucas. BTW, I'm not saying that I know any more about this than anybody else...but I know what worked for my W and me...and there are certain principles in DB that really should be adhered to.
Marcum....remember what the book says. Find out what works and do it. Stop doing what doesn't work.
I think you must have read this backwards!
You are finding what doesn't work, then you keep doing it. And vice versa.
I know it's hard, but you need to back off. Everyone's been telling you this, but you keep texting her and returning her calls. She has you in the palm of her hand, you are no challenge at all, and she knows it!
OK, so you asked "what do I do?"
She calls: Don't ever pick up when you see it's her calling. If she leaves a message, wait a few hours and call back. Don't be nasty or curt...but for god sakes DO NOT be lovey-dovey. Just "hey, returning your call...what's up?" Get out of the call ASAP, and it's YOU that ends the call!!!
She texts: Wait until she stops the session of texting. Wait an hour or two. If she calls in the meantime, see above ^ Text back AS SHORT OF A MESSAGE as possible. If she asks why you didn't text back right away, VERY QUICKLY say, your ringer was turned down or whatever, then change the subject to asking what she wanted. Once again, you are the one who ends the convo.
If she sends a text, email or voicemail that does not require a response...it's simple...DO NOT respond! And, if you can't resist, make it one or two words. "Thanks" "Yes" "No" "Sounds good". Get my drift?
She is 100% in control of you, and she knows it. Now is the time to mix up the dynamic, and make her do some of the work. BUT be consistent, or it simply won't be effective and you will keep going back to square one (where you still are now, after six months).
Can you do this, Marcum?
When she gets mad and says you don't care, can you be strong and say "on the contrary, I do care very much" and leave it at that?
When she doesn't call or text for a week, can you keep your hands in your pockets?
When she suggests getting together, can you be cool and calm, and not accept every invitation ("sorry, I'm busy"), but accept others ("sure, sounds good"), and when you do get together, be nice but not sucky-ass?
Can you do it?
PS: Happy Birthday ;-)
i agree, just have to return and send texts regarding our 2 dogs.. nothing else.
