His lawyer must have told him that he is in a really bad position due to all his stupid actions and he's trying to get on your good side before the next hearing. Don't trust anything he says. If his lips are moving, he is lying.
Yeah, I'm dubious too. Suddenly he's sorry for everything, just when he's not coming up with the money he's supposed to give you? He wouldn't be the first WAS to try to butter up the LBS so they would give them a pass on meeting their financial obligations.
Then again, it's possible that you standing up to him and being firm shocked him out of his fog.
As for him saying you'll both be happier - he's HALF right.
YOU will be happier - I guarantee it. A few years from now, you'll be in a better relationship with a man of character, you'll have reclaimed yourself, and meanwhile H will be miserable, missing what he left behind. If you doubt me, find mtn's threads on the MLC forum. Her H was HORRIBLE to her, had an affair with an AWFUL woman, mtn was destroyed. BUT - she picked herself up, created a great new career for herself, got a great new guy - and her exH is miserable and totally regrets his decisions.
It's true that many WASs behave in uncharacteristically bad ways when in crisis. IF they were never that way before, there's a good chance they'll return to normal afterwards. BUT NOT YOUR H. I think if you look back, you'll find many examples of ways in which he treated you badly for years, his character issues were always there but you ignored them.
Living well is the best revenge. Keep the business end of the divorce separate from any R stuff. Call your lawyer.
And I reiterate - tempting as it might be to let H see you dating and spark some jealousy in him - and it would - DON'T DO IT. Get EVERYTHING in the divorce settled, signed, sealed and delivered first. Wait until the ink is dry on the final divorce and financial papers before you let him get a whiff of you dating. Because he's likely to go whacked and start up this crazy stuff again if he gets jealous.
2nd full day with d today. I didn't realize -- it's hard to plan activities all day with a 5 year old!! lol. prior to the bomb, we either usually did things as a family on the weekends or h would take her bike riding and then maybe later I would play with her -- we took turns, you know?
As glad as I am that I have primary custody, I have to get into this single mom mode. d crawled into my bed this morning at 4:30. I've been up pretty much since, I put her back in her bed and she came right back.
anyway, I'm still a bit scared about my future (money-wise), but I have a job and just landed a new client yesterday. I have to get back to that young girl who moved to nyc with a guitar and 200 bucks and made it! I've never relied on a man to take care of me, even in past relationships until the past 2 years with h. I've kind of lost my "mojo" so to speak.
also, going back to school is VERY important to me and I have to figure out how this is going to go. my tuition is free (h works there), so that's not the problem. he will be paying the mortgage for the next year (yeah me, I fought him on that and WON).
so there is actually a part of me that is exited about my future. if h hadn't left, affair, etc, I would NEVER have been thinking about going back to school. it's in a field I am passionate about and I know it will be great for me (and d).
I still feel sadness and miss h, but now that d is back, and h has been out of the house for 3 months, I am getting used to it. isn't that amazing? I know he's in the throws of the ow fog, but there is nothing I can do about it. nothing.
I don't obsess over ow and him, believe it or not. she's a symptom, not the cause.
as I have told you guys before, what I mourn is the family aspect we had. the little things. that's the hardest part.
I tend to agree with the others. Probably some of what he says is true but it seems like it all came out after the check thing. Don't believe most of what he said. Like you said....all this has happened in 4 short months. There's no way he would snap out of it all of a sudden. You might hear something like that a year or two down the road.
I know what you mean about family time. That's the thing that still gets to me. Yesterday was hot and I had D little pool out. I actually sat in it with her for a while. Later we walked to the park and after we got home she wanted to play more. I was tired and she said "if you don't play with me I have no one to play with." That just got to me because W sees her about 10% of the time. I honestly think we'll never spend time together as the three of us.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
so the weekend is about to come to an end. I just got d in her jammies and hopefully I won't have a hard time getting her to sleep later.
I love her so much but I need a break! It's so much easier when you have a partner that shares the responsibility of a 5 year old!! I'm exhausted. I did everything I could think of with her today and I'm pooped. I hope this gets easier.
but I'm just so grateful that the custody thing worked out in my favor. I have to remind myself of that later if she gives me a hard time going to bed!
