Quote: P.S. I am really thinking of mentioning the Love Languages thing and asking CJ how well he thinks he's "filling" my tanks. Ditto for him. I'd like to know how HE feels too. I agree, it will give him daily feedback and had I know about it I would have use it.
Silence of the Lambs. Hanible "the Cannible" Lector brags to FBI Agent, Clarice Starling that he'd eaten someone's liver with Fava Beans and a nice Chianti. Then he makes the now-famous lip-smaking slurping sound...
Yup. Chianti it was. An inobtrusive bottle, went well...
REference: Silence of the Lambs..."Bingo"
Well, um, wow, it's 8:10 a.m.and I haven't gone to bed yet! Had a fun time at our friend's birthday party...He's a DJ for weddings ans such so had his whole system set up in the garage.The entier nitght was spent out doors, so it was great to finally have a HOT night! (quite rare around here).
WEll, why am I still up? Best friend J said to tell the other party that SHE was having people ove late night...so 4 of us headed over there at around 2...lights out
Now D and H, I love them dearly, but I knew when the suggestoin to come to our place was put out there, we might well be in for a very long haul.....they just left about a half an hour ago'!
Got to see the sun rise, sort of.
Here's the funny bit. Cj's said that since the light came out, he's "wide awake"...this is the time he usually gets up. So I asked, was he just going to go ahead with his day or sleep at some point (light and curious, as I personally have never pulled an all nighter/all dayer. He said, well in a few hours I might feel more tired.
OK, so I fixed myself a poached egg on and english muffin. I SWEAR, no sooner had I left the living room and entered the kitchen and I could hear loud resonant snores. There he is, the man who turned down my offer of sleeping in the darkened bedroom as "it wouldn't make any difference, I'm wide awake!)...OUT, in a snap! Lucky SOB! Look where I am!!!
Seriously, gotta try to squeeze in a few hours. Wouild like to visit Nana again tomorrow. Great visit today, the woman looks FINE! Of course they are monitoring her meds and sprays and such better than she was at home. She was in very good spirits too....
Also have to finish the grades for my midterms...any bets on when I "wake up" today????
Just got finished with my midterm exams, caught a last minute error on the scoring key and had to regrade the whole lot!
Got up at the reasonable hour of 11:30 today. CJ was on the computer working. I got a touch of the "Summer's passing me by" blues. Asked CJ if he was going to work, or wanted to do something outdoors.
He was open to suggestions, but time dragged on a bit and I got impatient. ASSumed a few times. ...He called me on it. Tones got a little nasty.
Almost wanted to just spend the day out myself. But we got it together and checked out a cafe on the highway. Some issues there as CJ just ordered soup and so sat there across from me while I ate my soup and sandwhich, which came later.
Kind of uncomfortable.
Then he mentioned an amethyst gift shop up the road, the one we stopped at last year on our drive around the big lake....
....the drive that happened a day after he "returned late" from his "business trip"....the drive on which he seriously battled with asking me for the big D, right then and there! ....the drive that happened 2 days before my kidney surgery...
Then it hit me that a year ago today, it was even hotter out. I'd left my Aunt's place early (she has A/C...it was a family lunch) so I could clean the house before CJ arrived that evening..only he didn't....his flight was "delayed"
Well with this flashing through my head, CJ noticed something was up, so I said "I'm dealing with some anniversary issues"...and explained briefly. He said We have to look to the future. I said "I know that, but there's a lot of past stuff I still have to deal with, I hope you can understand"...
But we carried our blanket to the lake and sat there for a while. I read (New Harry Potter! ).
We came home, I started hand-washing, then got into cleaning the bathroom (much needed ). CJ cleaned some stuff up in the yard and then suggested going to a movie.
One of our earlier misunderstandings was CJ going back on the computer. I ASSumed he was working again...he was checking show times. ...
He's wanted to see Terminater III since it came out, but I'd heard it was loaded with Action vs story....I agreed at first, but the cleaning and washing took so long, I knew I'd have lecture prep to do when we got back...and dinner.
So I suggested he go alone, while I worked. He wasn't happy about the idea (or so it seemed) but he did go.
Good thing I stayed behind as that error cost a lot of time!
I forgot to post something rather significant. Part of my general "down mood" yesterday was that, yet again, CJ had gotten up before me promising to "come back in"....I stayed there as long as I could, then got up...In all fairnesss, 11:30 is fairly early for a Sunday for me.
I mentioned it, and CJ said: "well, don't you remember yesterday?" What????
He said that on Sat, when I slept till 5 p.m., he came to the bedroom, and began fondling me....but that I just got up complaining about our friends staying so late!
People, seriously, I have NO recollection of his advances! I was NOT drunk when I went to bed, although I DID take a sleeping pill...
I assured CJ that I did not recollect any of it! And would NOT have turned him down!
Weird.
Today, for a change, CJ was caught in an ASSumption. When I got home (Taught....visited Nana...doing well , got some groceries) Cj was on the main computer. I asked him about the remote set up for his laptop...it's been a week. I think.
He got a bit flustered...he HAD vaccumed and dusted before the vacuum gave out...and said he'd just call the help line again and get right off the computer.
I changed, got some water, then said I was going outside to water. I pointed out that he ASSumed I wanted to get on the computer ASAP, when in fact, I'd said nothing of the sort. He tried to defend it...but it was acknowleged as a Mind reading episode.
I watered and deadheaded...just before the last thunderstorm hit. LOVE those!
I watered and deadheaded yesterday too, but no thunderstorms here
Yeah, that IS weird what CJ told you! Has anything like that ever happened to you before when you have taken a sleeping pill?
I have been having a day or two of post-affair blues. I have no idea what is triggering it, but lots of tapes replaying in my head of all the lies. I just have to ride the wave when it comes up and know that the sea will calm again.
I'm starting to have a little bit of anxiety coming up as H's move back in date gets closer. One of the things that keeps coming up is how freaked out I will get about computer use. H has had any computer time since moving out. I don't know why the computer is such a big thing for me. His cell phone was just as much a tool for betrayal as the computer was--and he's still working with XOW so I don't know what my problem is about it. I guess finding all of those offline instant messages from XOW didn't help, but so many times I remember waking up in the middle of the night--H not in bed and is downstairs on the computer--how that made me feel.
H now knows that the computer was no where near as "private" as he thought it was after I told him that if I had wanted, I could have silently sent an undetectable program to OW's computer that would send me back a screenshot of everything she did & log every keystroke.
I'm hesitant to ask you, because I don't want to reopen any hurtful places for you, but you have been very up front about your sitch so far. How did you and CJ deal with computer usage as it had been the major communication with XOW? Did you talk about the issue? Did you guys agree to any boundaries?
Who knew when the internet, cell phones and pagers become part of our lives that they would play such a factor in so many M's!
Had a fun time at our friend's birthday party...He's a DJ for weddings ans such so had his whole system set up in the garage.The entier nitght was spent out doors, so it was great to finally have a HOT night! (quite rare around here).
...He called me on it. Tones got a little nasty.
