so h and i are almost legally seperated. papers will be signed this week. I got primary custody (yeah, me and d!).
I have d here no (thank god). she will be with me for the next 10 days and then will go off to day camp near h and I will have her on the weekends until aug. 23rd in time for school -- then it's back to mon-fri for me and weekends for h. it's all set in stone now so he can't pull any tricks or he'll get arrested, literally.
d got me up early and we went out shopping and other things. when h and I met last night to do the exchange, we had a fight (unfortanetly in front of d). he didn't give me the check he was supposed to give me and he knows I'll be calling lawyer first thing monday morning. He called later last night and said he was sorry. not just for the check, but for everything. I was actually really surprised. he hasn't apologized for anything. he said he was sorry about leaving, about the affair, about not working on the marriage prior to making the decision about having the affair. he says he very much wants us to be "frieds" and wants to meet just me and him to talk about it. I said he has hurt me so much between , not just the affair, but the lies and what he pulled with d, not to mention the car and other things. he said, he knows and that he feels incredibly embarrased and can't believe he did those things.
he is still with ow and he "loves her". He is sorry it turned out this way and it "just happened". he says he wants me to find happiness and he wants us to be good parents to d.
I asked what brought on all this "I'm sorry" stuff, and he said that he realized that he took things way too far and was angry. he wanted out of the marriage or at least to "fix" the marriage last fall and didn't know how. he admitted that he nkows he's not "good with communicating" and he realizes that is a big part of what led him to the affair.
but at this point, according to him, he loves this other person and he really feels that regardless if they last he made the right choice by leaving and that we will both be happier in the end.
Whatever.
I was kind, validated his feelings, didn't yell at him, but I def. didn't or will not give him a "prize" for his "soul-searching". He told me that no one deserves to be treated the way he's treated me the last months and whether I realize it or not the guilt has been killing him.
Again, whatever. for d's sake, I will be open to having a better co-parenting relationship with him and now that I know that he can't threaten me anymore with custody or legal stuff I am in a stronger position with him. he doesn't scare me anymore.
He admits that it was wrong what he pulled with d.
again, he's not getting any metals from me.
the thing is, once again, driving around today with d, today would have been SUCH a family day with the three of us --, I felt a twinge of sadness. you guys gotta realize that just FOUR short months ago we were still a family unit (before bomb) and it's SO FAST! I tried explaining that to him. He said he finally realizes that it was wrong for him for me to "get with the program" so fast.
so he wants this life with ow and her child. it's just amazing to me. again, if you would have told me this was going to happen 6 months ago, I would have told you you were nuts.
I still think of him as my husband and in a way I always will as he is the father of my child.
One nice thing he DID say was that he feels so glad that I am the mother of his child and he doesn't regret that or our life together for a second.
Well, I guess ow has more to offer, but I didn't say that to him.
I suppose that they are a solid couple and my d will (actually has been without my knowledge) around her, I have to meet her at some point. It looks like they really are going to be together. I don't think this is just a typical affair. It really feels like his next "real" relationship. Nothing I can do but accept that.
