What is left is starting with head or feet, and gently tracing fingers etc behind knees, back. After a couple of minutes of this, she usually tells me to get busy (unpleasently) so I move to manually stimulating her. Only allowed to touch her there during the process.
At no point will she touch me.
Quite simply put, Near, this isn't making love. No deep physical connection, no deep emotional connection; just a very quick, mechanical exchange of orgasms, with YOU doing all of the work.
My impression continues to be that she is so angry, resentful, and disconnected from you that during sex she refuses to (a) pleasure you in any way, and (b) allow you to actually pleasure her --> in essence, you aren't permitted to be her real lover.
I've said it before, but you both need serious counseling and help. Not some local pastor who's going to tell you to be happy with what you're getting (which is no connection AT ALL), but a professional sex therapist who can work you BOTH through the issues that you have.
I'd be really curious to hear you wife's answer if I were to ask her to tell me about your courtship and early marriage. Would she recall it fondly (and miss those early days)? Or is she at the point where those fond memories have been pushed so far away that she can't recall them? This isn't just an idle question: it's one of the ways in which marriage counselors 'gauge' the current state of a relationship, even a very strained one. If both partners can still recall those memories of how in love they used to be, of how attractive their partner used to be, then there is at least a foundation there from which to work.
I wish I had something better to say that this. At the point you're currently at, a good bottle of hand lotion would be more satisfying and give you a better emotion connection (with yourself) than anything that is currently happening with your wife.
Take care, my friend.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
