Quote: Somehow I need to communicate how very badly I feel about the whole physical side of our R. I can't imagine that he doesn't KNOW this already, but if so, why no results?????
don't assume that he knows how you feel about it, or how the lack of it makes you feel.
try to find a way to communicate YOUR feelings in a manner that relates that they are YOUR feelings and that you are not blaming him.
though I have not seen the improvements I'd like I have seen some improvements in this area in my sit...I think using the concept of love languages as a way to express my feelings was a useful way to help h to understand me.
I just found out that my Nana (almost 90) has had a heart attack. SHe's in hospital right now. This is my Mom's mom, the only Grandma I know.
I feel particularly bad as I used to call her at least once a week (in addition to having dinnner with her at my Mom's, birthday parties etc). But several months ago I was talking about what was going on with CJ and I, and she overheard. I didn't really think about the effect on her (she has a form of dementia similar to alzheimer's) but found out the next day that she'd stayed up that entire night crying over my situation.
Since then, I would pick up the phone and just couldn't make the call. At first it was because I didn't KNOW what was to become of my M, then time just got away from me.
What a sorry case...self pity and remorse while she is suffering. I'm going to see her tomorrow. Pray that it is not too late.
Shiny
P.S. I'm going to try to BB for a while to take my mind off of this, I can't do anything but pray, right now.
I don't think I'm assuming here. The lack in our sex life has been my major issue for YEARS. I've even suggested counselling specifically for that...before the A's.
It came up several times in our C sessions, I've mentioned it many times. CJ has read the 5 LL's and KNOWS that physical touch is in my top two. I've told him that being close to him sexually calms me and is a MAJOR part of our R for me.
He has, several times, vowed to "work on" this aspect of our R. I have NO idea what this means. It has now been 5 weeks since I was shot down and he came through with the next evening "date". It was great for us both. I told him how much that meant to me......but nothing since.
The other night during some wine and music and dancing, I "flashed" him seductively.....nothing. Not even a comment. LL, I am STACKED! I feel SOOO unappreciated!
Enough about me...I need others issues to deal with right now.
Later..
Shiny
P.S. I am really thinking of mentioning the Love Languages thing and asking CJ how well he thinks he's "filling" my tanks. Ditto for him. I'd like to know how HE feels too.
Hey Shiney, sending out good thoughts and prayers about the situation with your Grandma. Don't beat yourself up over it...remember the serenity prayer.
sorry to hear about your nana having some health issues. If I even detected the slightest bit of guilt on your part for what is happening with her (your mention of her over hearing some things about your sit and staying up all night) I have to tell you to stop it NOW. let this be the push you needed to get back into keeping close to her.
as far as the "issue" and cj's "knowing" about it. I asked if you were assuming he knows how it makes you feel, how it really makes you feel.
when you reject me or don't inititate I feel unnapreciated, ugly, undesierable, un loved, humiliated etc etc etc.
I know that in the past I never really bothered to express how it makes me feel and instead just focussed on it not being there and that being a problem.
now that I have expressed how it really makes me feel h is at least able to reject with a bit more compation rather than just rejecting not a total solution but it has helped.
Well for tonight's vegetarian red pasta sauce (with red peppers and zucchini of course) we are having a wine which CJ just told me to give you two hints about....
Clarice Starling and Fava Beans
Ok, IF my practical jokester of an H isn't pulling my leg! I have no clue on this wine. I also don't watch many movies!
So my joke loving H goes through this big spiel of the references being from Silence of the Lambs. And the wine is Chianti! Then he says or I could be making this all up. So I told him was going to tell you that is what he said it was and the reference referred too! Now you'll have to let me know if he was pulling my leg.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
