Things are moving forward positively for you! Exciting and scary? Your W asked you to sleep with her and cuddle. This is a strong message from her. She'd like to be close to you. She's attracted to you. Did you use her request as an opportunity to talk about your sleeping arrangement and your feelings? Your W is opening a door to communicate on this subject and IMO it's important that you address it and not let it slide.
My H and I have had intimacy problems for years. He too was timid and wanted everything to be almost perfect before approaching me. ML was an anxiety producer for him and he avoided it. I started getting used to being his roommate too. When I realized I no longer desired him, and was closing the door to my own sexual expression and identity it was very painful. I wasn't willing to give that part of myself up and after a year, I wasn't willing to wait on him to decide to be part of the solution. I had NO idea what the magic combination of factors was that would lead to us ML on a regular basis. Very frustrating! It was hard to see an end in sight to the lack of intimacy and in my mind, being in our M meant giving up my sexuality and an important part of who I am as a woman.
Our C advice was.. just do it!! He explained that it's at the very heart of being one as a couple. He told my H straight out that withholding intimacy and rejecting your spouse regularly is abuse. I was shocked that he took such a strong stand with my H on the issue. I was willing to stick with it for 6 months and be patient and our C said that's too long. He asked my H to make a decision about whether or not he wanted to be married to me and has what it takes to meet my needs. He said if he does, then he needs to start meeting my needs on a regular basis, if not, he needs to fess up and let me go. I thought it was very harsh advice, but honestly, it was what my H needed to hear.
We've continued counseling and things are wonderful now. That session with the C was a turning point in our R. My H was waiting on a laundry list of things to happen so he could be comfortable ML and being close to me. When we started ML regularly again, those things started to come together.
Think about it CL. You are a wonderful, man. If you can reach into yourself and find love for your W, take a chance? You deserve to be be blissfully happy and in love... you've worked SO hard! Maybe a little more intimacy will solve some of the problems that have kept you distant.. the sleeping elsewhere.. the anger you wife exhibits over small things. She might be speaking out of frustration at those times. Maybe part of her overspending and materialism is a way for her to meet her need for love she feels she's not getting? You never know until you try.
Exciting and scary? Your W asked you to sleep with her and cuddle. This is a strong message from her. She'd like to be close to you. She's attracted to you. Did you use her request as an opportunity to talk about your sleeping arrangement and your feelings? Your W is opening a door to communicate on this subject and IMO it's important that you address it and not let it slide. 