I just found this an wanted to share it with everyone: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's how the Urban Dictionary defines: "I love you but I'm not IN love with you."
Phrase used exclusively by shallow self-absorbed individuals who actually have no concept of what it means to love or be loved. Their hearts are vacant and usually associate sex not with a deeply emotional or spiritual experience but rather purely a physical and transient act involving no emotion. Such individuals are limited in both intellect and in normal socialization skills. People who use this overused cliche usually suffer from a combination of schizotypal disorder and sociopathy. A catch-all phrase when the person doing the dumping knows there is no reason for the relationship to end, other than for purely selfish reasons of wanting to pursue sexual relations with other individuals outside of the current relationship.
I love you but I'm not in love with you. Translation: I don't love you and I want to experiment with other people.
Amen to that! I'd add to that: "But I want to be able to seen as innocent because we all know we can't control that unpredictable, magical "falling/being in love" feeling. It just happens."
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
My T said the reason I keep fighting is because over the years my H would give me scraps of wonderful. I always saw the potential of great things but never really got it. He always left me wanting for more, so here I am still fighting for the more the could be. I hate it when she is so insightful.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Amen to that! I'd add to that: "But I want to be able to seen as innocent because we all know we can't control that unpredictable, magical "falling/being in love" feeling. It just happens."
Yep! My H said the same thing to me "It just happened" like carrying on an EA for a year or longer just suddenly happened or something and then going into a PA. My ? is do they actually even believe that themselves, maybe they do so they don't have to feel guilty or as guilty? They had no control over anything that happens, so why blame them??? Karen
My T said the reason I keep fighting is because over the years my H would give me scraps of wonderful. I always saw the potential of great things but never really got it. He always left me wanting for more, so here I am still fighting for the more the could be. I hate it when she is so insightful.
Oh, yeah, well then there's that. The old intermittent reinforcement thing we learned in Psych 101. I think the other stuff sounds better, tho!!! LOL!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I really do think they actually believe themselves. It's part of the denial, the justification and the rationalization of it all. Those aren't necessarily conscious coping mechanisms. Brain chemicals altered by euphoria and who knows what else in the midlife male brain, along with whatever underlying narcissism abides there.
My H actually teaches this stuff to chaplains--how our "stuff" gets in the way of being healthy and whole, and how to work to get past our stuff. And he's totally and absolutely delusional right now, and I know he believes all the BS he's putting out.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I found this pod cast that describes my H PERFECTLY!!! He is the nicw guy and now I'm wondering if the reason he is such a mess is because of all those years of lying, trying to be everything for everyone else and now he is just sooo empty. Take a listen and see if this describes your H.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Me too. That's just a classic description of all the waywards of the world.
You know, as I read that description I began thinking to myself "just why do the majority of us here WANT to make it work"?
Yep, I've thought that too! I know we all are usually pretty devastated if our Rs don't work out, but probably we should be throwing parties or something!!! Karen
Karen