H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

You need to have a good relationship with him for the sake of your kids. Try not to agonize too much about other motivations, since it's something you need to do anyway.

That's really interesting. I suppose it is easier to detach from someone if you don't have to keep up a good relationship for the sake of the children. I have to put the children first, detaching second maybe?

Reading my book has helped. At least I am thinking about the children now, whereas recently I think all I have really thought about is myself. I don't beat myself up, just think it is part of the survival process.

Thanks for your input! I really am very grateful for people who have some experiences in these areas, as I don't have any friends who are divorced or separated. Don't really know anyone who has been through it.