Thank you guys for the fun the past couple of days. Have I mentioned how much I adore each and every one of you?
I foolishly returned a call to OW's soon to be ex-boyfriend tonight. He's stuck in limbo land, too, and says he feels like he's living in purgatory. They have 14 years of financial stuff that needs to be squared away and it's taking much longer than they thought due to the housing market. During the conversation, he mentioned "she" has only been happy once in the past month or so - and that was after my husband visited their home after her surgery a couple of weeks ago. I had no idea he had visited her.
It seems to me he has made his decision. If he had any inclination to work on making our marriage stronger, I don't think he would be going out of his way to visit her at home. A phone call would suffice. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but I definitely feel like I'm being used to help him get through this demanding project and then he'll drop the bomb on me.
I'm feeling lost and a little scared. We haven't even been married four years... how could things go so wrong so quickly?
I don't know how he could choose her over me. She is not a pleasant person. She puts on a phony air of kindness, but those of us who know her well, have seen how cruel she can be. The way she's treated her boyfriend over the past several years has been excruciating to watch. She's very gifted in what she does for a living and she's very competitive, qualities she has in common with my husband. Could those qualities outweigh what I have to offer? Am I delusional about what I can give to the one I love?
I am so tired. I don't want to be consumed by this anymore.
******
I sound really disgusting and pathetic right now. I'll get myself turned around by morning. I knew it was a bad idea to return the call tonight. I must remember to trust my gut.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Hey gfi - this isn't about you, it's about him. I know it's hard to accept.
Why focus on the negatives? Are you worried what people will think of you? Just pick up a People magazine - there are high-profile folks getting divorced in months or days, not just years.
An EA or PA creates an addiction not unlike drugs or alcohol. He's high on brain chemicals and until he's willing to address that addiction - which is usually when someone hits bottom - there isn't a whole lot you can do. So focus on yourself and enjoying YOUR life!
You know, like taking a raft trip or something. Or if you ever feel like driving over to the coast, let me know and I'll meet you and buy you a fruity rum drink!
How could it go wrong so quickly? Who knows? There are probably a thousand answers, and they are probably all equally right and wrong. You'll just burn perfectly good brain cells trying to figure it out. Maybe he wasn't ready? Maybe he is a "chaser", doesn't know what to do once he has "caught"? I don't know. But I can't imagine it's you. I only know a little about you, but I just don't see that.
Rest. We'll plan a rafting adventure. You'll detach. And time will tell.
I'm not worried about what people think about me. I'm confident people who know us would think my husband is making a dumbass mistake. Actually, I am worried about what my family would think, but I know they would understand and accept whatever happens.
Thanks for your post, lodo. You helped more than you know.
Don't be surprised if I take you up on that visit. I'll let you finish all your homework first. And, I'm really excited about the alleged raft trip. How many days till September??
In the recent (paraphrased) words of Puppy: Mememememememememe me me meme mememememe I mememememe!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Okay, this doesn't really have anything to do with anything but I thought it might make you laugh:
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening
And DO take me up on the visit, and there is no alleged about this raft trip!
I'm singin' "Me me me me, oh oo, I gotta go, sayin' yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh Me Me Me Me, hey I gotta go ....."
gfi, thinking about you. There's no figuring out any of it. I hope you can have a great weekend. Meet lodo, he is allegedly a fun guy. You need to have some fun.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I haven't posted to you before, and this may sound stupid, but I really believe it is true. Be glad it happened after only 4 years. The sooner the better, and you go on with your life. Because you will find someone else, and I hope you will find someone who understands the concept of commitment. I'm afraid the focus of marriage has moved to the wedding itself, and the big, exciting party. Everyone wants to get married. But fewer want to actually be married afterwards. They want to go back to the freedom of dating. It is immaturity. Finding a mature person to love in today's mememememememe world is difficult. There is no value placed on growing up.
OK, I just looked back at the thread. I guess my first statement looks stupid too. I have posted to you, and on this thread. But it wasn't a comment on your sitch and that's what I meant. Whatever. Yes, the raft trip looks like great fun. But I won't be able to come. Hope you guys all have a great time.
