Michelle I hope so too. His "redoing the shop" vaca got moved so that kinda sucks.. but we still have Fri - Weds together. The "challenge" thing is different.
ST NO he was SO not like this before. He was always the one going "it's vacation, who cares what we spend??" (while I freaked out at $150 dinners). I think it has a lot to do with his racing hobby which is relatively new. It's NOT CHEAP.. and I think part of me supporting him racing is making his lunch, "agreeing" to cheap meals, etc. We've always been pretty even on "spend the $$ if you have it only" thing.
Sexiest lingere, GREAT idea
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Sorry had to run so fast.. I had (and will have again soon) a shadow, AKA my H.
(((all)))
Thanks. It means SO much to have people who care.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Just got back from SUCH an awesome week. Thanks for asking ST!
Weekend was mostly lots of chores... but it set us up for a way cool week!
I don't even know where to start really... but I can sure share some highlights. H's work schedule got all screwed up, and he almost lost his time off. Finally he called them back and told them basically that he already had a "vacation planned with my wife." Ended up he took 1 day off unpaid - but with all the chaos going on that was pretty good. (Oh, and, I am fairly sure that one of the managers didn't even know he was married so hearing that he argued the "with my wife" point was pretty cool. ).
He had his cell phone off almost all week. This has been a source of increasing irritation for me - he doesn't text OW around me anymore (and maybe just doesn't, I'm not sure). But it's been replaced by him being CONSTANTLY on the phone. Guy friends or family but still it's annoying. So one of the vacation days (and I LOVE that I'm not even sure what day of the week it was ) he was sitting with me on the beach but talking non-stop to this guy friend about car stuff. I was fine for awhile but it just kept going on and on, and he was talking loud enough to irritate people near us. At first I was doing the "old me" thing of looking at him all irritated, acting kinda juvenile. Instead, I caught myself and thought "y'know what, fine, he can chat on the phone, I'll go do something fun!" So I walked off and played with the chipmunks and walked around the beach. When I walked back over awhile later he said "I'm sorry, I'm off the phone now" and I was able to HONESTLY say "It's OK, I was just checking out the beach." He looked almost surprised I said that - and yet literally turned the phone off right then and didn't turn it on again until today, when he had to use it to call into work.
We went for several bike rides including one longer than I've ever done. Don't laugh at me but.. it was 12 miles round trip, my prior 'record' was probably 6. So that was cool. Several times over the weekend H said "Wow you're doing really great, better than you have in a long time" (in terms of physical strength). I was SO PROUD!! And I walked up and down the VERY STEEP cabin stairs several times a day, too.
We were supposed to come home Weds... but we just kept staying there. Today H asked if I wanted to come home and I said "no." Then I asked if he did and he said, "We should." I said "That's not what I asked, do you WANT to go home??" H got a big grin and said "Well NO." We agreed we "should" come home but neither of us wanted to.
On the way home today I said "Hey maybe we can at least make the vacation a little longer?" H asked how and I said "we could go to the beach?" Apparently in a cute tone because he said "Aww you sound like a kid almost, it's cute!" At the beach... I thought we'd stay for a half hour maybe, but we were there almost 4 hours! While there we looked at a map of the area and he actually remembered stuff from years ago - "Hey remember when I gave you those diamond earrings? We were at Cave Rock!" It was really neat. He brought up LOTS of past memories. At one point I mentioned something about last summer, and H said "That was a tough time for us." I agreed (easy one to validate!) and he said "Not like now." Interesting. Part of me wanted to delve into that more but I decided to just enjoy the beach and H instead.
I always get kinda sappy and sad about leaving the cabin and my "180" this time was trying to be upbeat about it. H saw right through it... and said "I know you're sad but we'll be back soon, we're coming back in August!" (I had forgotten we do have plans w/friends to come back - when I originally asked him about it he was VERY skeptical making plans so far ahead, now he's looking forward to it).
I'm leaving out about 500 details but this is good for now . It was such a great time. I'm so scared but I feel like we're REALLY moving in a good direction. At least, I hope so.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oh I nearly forgot.. my BIG 180 was no computer, no access, whatsoever since last weekend. I probably haven't been that "unplugged" since college. I missed everyone so much but I think that 180 really made an impression, too.
(glad I'm back though )
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Yay! I'm so glad you had a good time and that things look up with your H.
I know it's tough to be patient...they come back and it *feels* like things are on track, but they never say one word. It's like they are trying to sweep things under the rug...and it's frustrating because they had NO trouble bombing us with words, KWIM?
I actually had to find out H recommitted in MC. That was the only place I felt "safe" to ask...and I think that might have been 2-3 months after it "felt" like he'd recommitted.
At some point you might have to be brave and open up a conversation. Or not. Do you have issues you think you need to work on together? Or have you both made changes? That's for you to decide.
Ultimately you have to decide whether it's worth it or not. What's the payoff? What are you hoping for?
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
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