girlfromipanema x 4

[girlfromipanema]

Thank you guys for the fun the past couple of days. Have I mentioned how much I adore each and every one of you?

I foolishly returned a call to OW's soon to be ex-boyfriend tonight. He's stuck in limbo land, too, and says he feels like he's living in purgatory. They have 14 years of financial stuff that needs to be squared away and it's taking much longer than they thought due to the housing market. During the conversation, he mentioned "she" has only been happy once in the past month or so - and that was after my husband visited their home after her surgery a couple of weeks ago. I had no idea he had visited her.

It seems to me he has made his decision. If he had any inclination to work on making our marriage stronger, I don't think he would be going out of his way to visit her at home. A phone call would suffice. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but I definitely feel like I'm being used to help him get through this demanding project and then he'll drop the bomb on me.

I'm feeling lost and a little scared. We haven't even been married four years... how could things go so wrong so quickly?

I don't know how he could choose her over me. She is not a pleasant person. She puts on a phony air of kindness, but those of us who know her well, have seen how cruel she can be. The way she's treated her boyfriend over the past several years has been excruciating to watch. She's very gifted in what she does for a living and she's very competitive, qualities she has in common with my husband. Could those qualities outweigh what I have to offer? Am I delusional about what I can give to the one I love?

I am so tired. I don't want to be consumed by this anymore.

******

I sound really disgusting and pathetic right now. I'll get myself turned around by morning. I knew it was a bad idea to return the call tonight. I must remember to trust my gut.