You know I have been sitting here thinking a lot about my life my relationship with my H and I realized I stay with him and I forgive because I love him. Plain and simple I love him. I remember praying to God that I wouldnt love him so much, that I wouldnt have to hurt so much cause he was gone. I never could see my way thru. Sex? Sex is what tore us apart.. I was lost inside my pain and inside myself and I never , ever saw his pain. To temper his pain he would have affairs and hurt me and I would stay.... the last time was the last time for me. I could not take it anymore... and I told him so....
When we reconciled I told him if you ever do this again I cannot get thru it again, I simply wont have the strength. I just wont. So it will be your last.... I will not take you back. and now that it seems I have the Marriage I always dreamed of,, and the Man I was patiently waiting for I am terrified. Will I get to enjoy this "bliss" for the rest of my days or not? I want to grow old with my Husband and I want to make him the happiest Man alive. I also want him to make me Happy... and not in the sense that I alone can create Happiness for him but be by his side and help his world seem a lot brigther b/c I am in it. I have worked so hard for this and once again it scares me that this can be so good. I honestly have not felt this comfortable as long as I can remember.
My face is burning from the tears streaming down it.
How amazing to get thru the maze, to get the puzzle and to then work on it and finally see what it may turn into.
I am blessed and even though thtere are things I am still afraid of this is much better than before.
I am afraid to keep moving forward. I want to stand still and feel this on my face and soak it in and maybe just maybe, if I move too much it will end. I need to work on knowing this is it and it is going to be ok. MY H is transforming before my very eyes..
Is it really all b/c he feels well fed and he isnt starving anymore... I may ask him this but not yet.... for now I wil keep giving selflessly and taking it all in . Keep growing as a Woman and keep loving him unconditionally.
The Moment I let go and loved him from the best place in me is the moment the ball started moving and this started to change. I just know it.I am still working on me and working on knowing I am worth it and he LOVES me he really does.
For all you men out there with ~LD Wives. She really underneath it all loves you it is just hard to get out from under all the stuff... keep searching for her. And you will find her by loving her from that pure place in your heart... not from the place that resents her for not giving you sex.
There can be so many things that make her feel like her " sex" isnt special at all , if she only knew the gift it was she would surely try to share. You want her to give the best of her are you really deep down really giving the best of you?
All you can do is be the best you and then if it is meant to be everything else will fall into place. It takes alot of falling flat on your face and getting real humble but it can be done. Take action, find solutions and love from the best place in you .... the results are truly amazing. Take care and God bless....
