I get mixed signals a lot. One days shes reaching to give me a hug the next she just hopes in her car and drives off after we do something. we have no kidds and dont live together anymore so cslling her to ask her to do something is the only way I keep contact.
she called last night to see what time a local church had mass. I missed the call but called her right back and told her the time. she said " well ok thanks" and the call was over. she knows I want to go to church with her, but the invite didnt come and didnt ask. I thought after she was ating closer things would be diffrent, but they feel back to square one now. she called me to say back off, am i not allowed a chance TO back of or show change?
I SENT MY WIFE THIS AFTER HER TSLK WITH ME LAST WEEK
I was thinking about our talk and you are right. I was showing you disrespect when I was being so strait forward with my words. I t was very wrong and pressuring, I understand you reluctance to do things with me as you dont feel relaxed. I am sorry for that. I whish I wasent such a slow learner.
SHE SENT ME BACK THIS
hey, I am glad you see it now, i just don't know where to go from here. For me since we have started this new journey in January that things change very briefly and then reality sets back in. It has made me very uncomfortable and disrespected and it has only increased since that cigar diner. I appreciate your apology, but it just don't know what to do anymore.
Remind me, was the cigar dinner the one with all the flirting?
What I wouldn't give to hear my husband compliment and flirt with me...but alas, she is in a completely different mindset being the WAS.
Where you go from here, I don't know, but she made it pretty clear what you should DO from here on out.
You did a great job by apologizing, I'm thinking it's time to go dark. She's confused, and that's a great place for her to be. But, very touchy. She can tip in any direction at this point.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
yes the cigar dinner was the one were she said " I dont know why but I keep coming back ta ya. my friends tell me things. but i still keep coming back."
its also the last time we kissed ( this was 2 months ago) sher initiated the kiss but when I kissed her back I went " to far" vy licking her lower lip. that bvecame " you stuck your tongue down my throat"
You think I should go dark? every time I have she hasent made first contact. I broke and made a move and then she would respon favorablyt for a couple of times and then BLAM " you broke a rule Marcum
wow she called me today and whished me a faboulos birthday. that just fels weired. I actualy didnt recognise her voice on the phone. thats a sad thing to me.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Heck, not trying to hijack either, but my H listed himself as single on his pay stuff at work.
Who knows what they want...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im trying tio stay a little dark so i just sent her a simple thank you by text. last night when I got home i see she called again so i text her " im out with my friends yay im old boo thanks for the birthday whishes have a good night" I was drunk and feeling sappy so theres goes me being dark o well i gues ill start again today
Marcum....remember what the book says. Find out what works and do it. Stop doing what doesn't work.
I think you must have read this backwards!
You are finding what doesn't work, then you keep doing it. And vice versa.
I know it's hard, but you need to back off. Everyone's been telling you this, but you keep texting her and returning her calls. She has you in the palm of her hand, you are no challenge at all, and she knows it!
OK, so you asked "what do I do?"
She calls: Don't ever pick up when you see it's her calling. If she leaves a message, wait a few hours and call back. Don't be nasty or curt...but for god sakes DO NOT be lovey-dovey. Just "hey, returning your call...what's up?" Get out of the call ASAP, and it's YOU that ends the call!!!
She texts: Wait until she stops the session of texting. Wait an hour or two. If she calls in the meantime, see above ^ Text back AS SHORT OF A MESSAGE as possible. If she asks why you didn't text back right away, VERY QUICKLY say, your ringer was turned down or whatever, then change the subject to asking what she wanted. Once again, you are the one who ends the convo.
If she sends a text, email or voicemail that does not require a response...it's simple...DO NOT respond! And, if you can't resist, make it one or two words. "Thanks" "Yes" "No" "Sounds good". Get my drift?
She is 100% in control of you, and she knows it. Now is the time to mix up the dynamic, and make her do some of the work. BUT be consistent, or it simply won't be effective and you will keep going back to square one (where you still are now, after six months).
Can you do this, Marcum?
When she gets mad and says you don't care, can you be strong and say "on the contrary, I do care very much" and leave it at that?
When she doesn't call or text for a week, can you keep your hands in your pockets?
When she suggests getting together, can you be cool and calm, and not accept every invitation ("sorry, I'm busy"), but accept others ("sure, sounds good"), and when you do get together, be nice but not sucky-ass?
Can you do it?
PS: Happy Birthday ;-)
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
