After the first three nights of this week turning my hotel room over to W and may coming up with meager alternative location napping spots at the airport, last night upon receiving her call I let her know that those alternative sleeping arangements for me had been nixed. I told her the honest truth (not new for me)that I was catching my zzzz in the airplane. So she felt bad that she was resting comfortably in a room that I provided for her while I was where I was. After being hung up on my subconcious stubborness to refuse her offer to come the couple of miles to pick me up, I relented and said that I would welcome that. Before I said that, I was talking from a 'stream of consciousness' standpoint (trouble) and told her that as I thought of what would be more comfortable for me, whether sleeping in the airplane or sleeping in the same room as her I spouted off that the plane would probably be more comfortable. To which she said ouch or something. She then said you mean after 7 years of knowing me that you don't feel comfortable around me. And I clarified my remark by saying that the awkwardnes and uncomfortableness that I felt would ensue was due to the way that the 7 years would be ending. ANd she just said that she would not bring any of that up because she knew it would upset me. I like that she is so compassionate.
I am still mulling over how I do not fit as a 'stander'. That has me perplexed.
SO tonight I am at the hotel and W has already left to carry on her life at ex's. My empty hotel room awaits me as I hang up down here in the lobby. You would think there was a ghost up there. Be nice if there was as at least that would be some company for me. I am sad, upset and angry.
