Moving towards desecration of M

[gForce]

I wanna hang, too.

Hey Tomato, I'm thinking about going back to Allentown right after July 4th. We should think about getting together. And actually plan ahead this time.

[Tomato]

great minds think alike. We will definetely plan ahead for me to give you the PA native's Q&A heads up. I will toss out an email to you later today after my nap.

[Tomato]

Thanks to both BobbiJo and Gforce for the pleasure of your company.

Trust in him and hang on ..most definetely!!

[Tomato]

God's plan took something of a mysterious turn last night in that I was sleeping in the same room as W. Time for my brief stroll w/ Rue then a nap then who nooooooooooooooooooozzzzzzzz. More later.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

sorry Tomato, I really have been busy and haven't had time to think or post.

I basically just feel that the feelings you have toward your W are not of a Standers. I know that you are very hurt, and you are only acting humanly. I really don't know what God has planned for you, but I know that He has a perfect plan. I can't say that going thru 3 separations, that I would be any better than you right now. Quite possibly, I would have been worse! who knows. But looking at what God wants from us, and seeing where you are, I can only say that I feel you still have work to do within yourself. Part of this is being able to truly forgive, and let go, and have compassion.

You already needed to think of your M as done long before in order to move forward. But of course I believe that God can restore ANY crippled M no matter how damaged. I know that God wants you to live in faith, not in bitterness of what your W has done. I still feel that your W is/was reaching out to you, but she definitely needs prayer and is obviously still messed up inside.

I know that it is hard not to be bitter, and I know I was there too. My sitch was much shorter than yours, so I could not imagine being in your shoes, and I know I would have only survived in God's hands.

I will continue praying for you.

[Tomato]

I basically just feel that the feelings you have toward your W are not of a Standers.

I am surely curious to know what you mean by this.

This doesn't feel as gentle as you mentioned it was going to be.

But the most interesting thing is that I think you share that feeling with my W. That is why I want to know so much more about why you say that. It leaves me feeling less than genuine. As if my love isn't real. Something I feel that my W has lightly alluded to before. On with my vicarious life.

[Tomato]

I am having a difficult night. I am more than capable of controlling my anger but pretty much don't want to.

[Tomato]

After the first three nights of this week turning my hotel room over to W and may coming up with meager alternative location napping spots at the airport, last night upon receiving her call I let her know that those alternative sleeping arangements for me had been nixed. I told her the honest truth (not new for me)that I was catching my zzzz in the airplane. So she felt bad that she was resting comfortably in a room that I provided for her while I was where I was. After being hung up on my subconcious stubborness to refuse her offer to come the couple of miles to pick me up, I relented and said that I would welcome that. Before I said that, I was talking from a 'stream of consciousness' standpoint (trouble) and told her that as I thought of what would be more comfortable for me, whether sleeping in the airplane or sleeping in the same room as her I spouted off that the plane would probably be more comfortable. To which she said ouch or something. She then said you mean after 7 years of knowing me that you don't feel comfortable around me. And I clarified my remark by saying that the awkwardnes and uncomfortableness that I felt would ensue was due to the way that the 7 years would be ending. ANd she just said that she would not bring any of that up because she knew it would upset me. I like that she is so compassionate.

I am still mulling over how I do not fit as a 'stander'. That has me perplexed.

SO tonight I am at the hotel and W has already left to carry on her life at ex's. My empty hotel room awaits me as I hang up down here in the lobby. You would think there was a ghost up there. Be nice if there was as at least that would be some company for me. I am sad, upset and angry.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

okay, well, one is recently you've sounded kinda fed up, and done. But I'll have to go thru some posts.

Part of what I say sometimes, does have reasons... but sometimes I speak from what I feel or am sensing and I don't always have an exact answer for why. partly because I have a horrible memory and can't recall exactly what I've read previously to tell you what things stuck out at me. SOOOOOOOO, I will try to look back over your posts and copy some things that stuck me.


I'm sorry, you ARE a stander, but I know to be a stander we must not hold our bitterness, but instead release it, and I also feel that we should look at our WAS as someone who is lost, therefore, we cannot be angry at them, but instead have compassion on them.

I know that as humans, we are incapable of being perfect, but with God's strength, we can try to get as close as we can.

For some reason, and I am totally not saying this is all because of you, but when I looked upon the 3 separations in your sig, (I mentioned this a little before) what came to me was wondering if when things start getting better, something changes that your doing, and then it falls apart again. For ex., when you guys were together for several nights I believe and you even were intimate if I remember right, but afterwards you became hurt and confused. Perhaps it is hard for you when things start showing to progress, that your expectations start coming in again and it causes you to get let down, which then starts a cycle again.

I'm only speculating, and I'm absolutely not saying this is all because of you. This definitely is because of her, as we know this is her choice that she is making, but I want you to have the best chance possible to save your M.

I may be totally wrong, but this is just what I have been thinking about. I hope this isn't the wrong time to discuss, but I wanted to answer you.

More important though, you need to get out of your down moment and get back up and be strong. You need to get that PMA up and live as Christ would have you live. We need to remember that we are here for HIS purpose, not our own.

Here is a verse about perseverance..

James 5:10-11
Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh something I forgot.

your title. moving towards desecration of M.

that just rings with me lack of faith in your M.

I know that my doubting mind sometimes thinks worldly and thinks, well, maybe God doesn't mean them to be together and this is his plan, but you were M, and God hates divorce. I also believe that he can perform any miracle and that nothing is too difficult for God.

What I have learned this last year is about speaking in faith. I'm wanting to learn more about it, but an author of Hung by the Tongue came and spoke at our Monavie convention and it was so inspiring and wonderful. He talked about how powerful our words are... and the Word of God, when God spoke, it was made. And that either we speak words of death or words of life.

1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ...

This I found not too long ago and underlined it, because I thought, how many times have I uttered words from my mouth that were so UNLIKE "the very words of God".