Real life is----part 5

[kat727]

I don't know what to say, especially given my day. I just hope that you can find peace in your decision. This isn't what either one of us want done but it has to be done. It's the only way we can move forward. (((((Sara)))))

kat

[Starshyne]

I know you are right. This does have to be done for me to finally have peace and be able to move on with my life. It isn't healthy for me in any way to be living the way I have been. And while I know that I am the person taking these steps to end the marriage, we all know that it was my H's ultimate choice. He is the one who could not decide to come back to me. He is the one that wanted to be with the OW.

I called H to tell him the time. The time set he had finals. So instead we will be meeting on June 30 at 3:30. Oh my goodness, that seems so sudden. Right before I leave for Disney. At this meeting the lawyer will be going over all of the papers and explaining it all to my H. He will then either sign the papers and agree to the divorce or not. Then I will have to go to plan B, which will take a lot longer.

I am curious if H feels any of the saddness that I feel knowing that our once wonderful marriage has ended. That the dreams we had as a couple have disappeared. Does he ever have this overwhelming feeling of sorrow?

Sara

[karen43]

I am curious if H feels any of the saddness that I feel knowing that our once wonderful marriage has ended. That the dreams we had as a couple have disappeared. Does he ever have this overwhelming feeling of sorrow?

Sara

Yes, even last night I had dreams about H and everything. I know the OW's are addictive and like a drug, but don't they have some of the same feelings we do or not? I don't know either! Karen

[Eagle 2]

Sara,

They feel it. God is in their heart every day telling them it is wrong. It is overshadowed by the euphoria of the A and the noise from thier cheerleaders. They set themselves up to crash hard by making the A everything. In my sitch she is giving away all D issues just to be with the OM ASAP. He is twice divorced (2nd one in Dec) and the odds of this working out are very very low.
When the A crashes then the guilt rises back up as anger and bitterness. He will probably direct it at you (because that is what he knows). I have heard the the A crashing hurts worse that the M ending to the WAS. Who knows.
I am suprised at how quick your D will be final. Do not take any blame for his A. It is your decision on the D but he can stop it or delay it too.

You will be in my prayers.

[Starshyne]

I have had a rough day to say the least. First I had a doctor's appointment (yearly physical). I hate my doctor and I have for years. But there is a doctor shortage in my county and there really isn't anyone to switch to. I had to go into what is going on with my H. She kept pushing and I finally said that I didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to give me sleeping pills at first. "hmmm...I think your sleeping problems might have to do with the things going on with your personal life?" DUH!!! She finally did (need to pick them up still). But not until she wanted to know what I could do to calm my nerves. Ummm...if I knew that, wouldn't I have been doing it? Geesh.

H has been hovering around the house all day. I can't take it. I cannot be in the same house as him at the same time. I was doing okay for awhile being in one room and he was in another. But then I totally lost it when he came in when I was eating diner and watching a program on tv. You know how they said that if you rant and rave and cry you push your spouse out of the door? Well...it worked! That is exactly what I wanted...him out. But I sure did rant and rave. Told him I am sick of him wearing my shirts because that is weird, that as far as I was concerned my husband was dead and all that is left is a smelly man with an ugly haircut. On and on I went until I just collapsed into a bawling, crying mess on the floor. Finally he was angry enough to say, alright...I'll go. And he stormed out of the house.

I am finally starting to calm down a little. But it has been so difficult on me.

Sara

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hmmm, not a bad move, actually, Sara. It's honest, at least, and there's been far too little of THAT around there, kwim?

Hugs & Puppy licks,

Puppy/Choc.

[lodo]

Hey Sara,

I know it's hard, but Puppy's right - better to be honest. And if you don't like him wearing your shirts, don't let him wear your shirts!

Why don't you pick up that guitar again? Maybe if you channel all your energy into your music, you'll become a great blues guitarist!

"My H is a mean mistreater
Wears my shirts throughout the day
Oh my H is a mean mistreater
wears my shirts all the live-long day
I says to him, H
One day you're gonna pay .."

lodo

[Starshyne]

Love the song! I did have guitar lessons tonight. I am playing Blackbird (Paul McCartney) and it is HARD!

How do I stop him from wearing my shirts? Rip them off his back? These are shirts that are packed away in the closet. He puts them on and leaves the house with them on without me knowing it.

Oh...and get this he did admit to taking advantage of me but doesn't think he is taking advantage of the law. I know everyone says that they only take advantage of you if you let them, but I don't know how to stop it.

Sara

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Starshyne,

Do you have any way of knowing WHICH shirt he is going to try to wear on any given day?

[Starshyne]

No clue. He keeps them now all in a suitcase that he takes out of his car every day. Honestly, the whole shirt thing isn't a huge deal, but I just think it is strange. I know it is because he is too lazy to do his laundry so he raids my clothes to find something that will work. The shirts he's wearing are typically old tshirts that I was going to give away. Just the whole idea is too strange to me.