Hi TC...I welcome hijacks on this thread! Thanks for your input. I agree that my kids and I have our own rhythm...and the thought of throwing someone else into the mix is just not too appealing right now. My BF has a few times offered me what to him is support in the way of suggestions about the kids - but to me it feels like he is interfering in how I raise my kids. I guess it helps to know that I am not the only single woman to feel the hesitation on jumping back into a serious relationship. So I'm not crazy!!! Well, not much...
BF and I have had a discussion twice about me not being where he is in terms of willing to commit, or to move onto the next stage. I have explained that I have spent three years on my own and I am not ready to give up that independence. I have explained that my kids are teenagers and that it is hard enough raising three teenagers without adding another battle to fight. I have explained that I work two jobs and take care of a house, three kids and a dog on my own, not to mention the time I spend caring for my 83 yr old mother. (this is where he suggested I make a chore chart for the kids and have them do more in return for their allowance! They do chores, and they are good kids - but any mom will tell you the major burden is up to her!) He works from home so can make his own hours, has his kids a few days a week at the most (they don't live with him), and has no other commitments. So I don't think he gets it...we have the talk, and it goes better for awhile - then the pattern repeats. In this case, he may not have the patience to hang in there, and I may not have the patience to continue to deal with the same issues over and over again. Which would be a shame, because he is a good man - but if the timing is off, it's all off.
On another issue, I was talking to two other divorced women who get along very well with their XH's. They both said that what made the major difference in how well their relationship went with the XH was how the XH handled things regarding the kids. One woman said that she received child support, but that when extra things came up for the kids, she knew she could call her XH and say "things are tight for me, but Johnny needs this or that" and her XH would provide it. No questions asked, no blaming or using guilt - she just knew that he appreciated the fact that she was providing a home and he tried to help with the extras. That respect coming from him meant the world to her, and she was able to forgive the pain of the divorce and give him the same respect back.
Well, not much...