thanks ms ladybug- i do feel a bit psycho now that i look at my annie song! YIKES!
you are one funny bug!
i wasn't expecting him to call- maybe i was expecting him to call and cry and say he wants me back! but just recalling the words he said about the D initially in our talk and then at the end when he said i don't want to give you false hope- its so sad.. he is so lost and i just want to reach out and grab him ( i did whap his butt as a joke during our talk)... there were a lot of god times too and he seemed to really hear and acknowledge what i said...he is looking for answers yet this whole time i doubt if he reached out to anyone.
my plans: pedicure/manicure/ yoga tonight
party tomorrow for friend (vet school)!
Saturday night- hang out maybe w fam
sunday no plans- maybe hang w mom- shop....
thanks jack- i am letting my fears get to me...ill try to stay on the upswing.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
it just dawned on me that of course my H's first comment about our R was to get an L or a mediator....since i haven't brought up the R at all each time we talk it haw left that part up to him.
even though i am have been through hell and back these last months i haven't told him any of my pain so he has no idea really what i am thinking.
so he possibly could have been thinking that i was going to say i wanted a D or at the very least it was his security blanket to see how i would react.
i handled it perfectly- i think. no crying, calm and collected and listened and acknowledged him
now my only other question is why would he say "i don want to give you false hope and have you think that things will be ok"... is that another way for him to be in control?
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
HEy pisces...i got that line at the start a lot..and every once in awhile. How frustrating is that? I'm sorry about your sitch. and you did great when he probed with his questions.....I wonder about my W all the time...whether she thinks i've given up or want a D too....
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
its interesting that i havent brought up the R and that is all he could come up with after 6 weeks? it was sad in a way for him...but we were able to move beyond that...and i was able to calmly bring some things to him. now he just gets to think a lot. i hope.
i hear ya about wondering- thats all we can do....and stay positive and when we feel poopy we can know that tomorrow will be a brand new day!
i guess its good that they are curious and confused....but sometimes i get scared that they will just give up bc it is too hard or too much pain to work it out...
who knows!?
im sorry about your sitch too- ill read about you more now on your thread.
thanks for reaching out to me
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
also- i feel that he never asks me what i need .... and i guess now would not be the time he would do this since we are S and have very little communication.
i also wonder if i havent shown him enough sadness- am i being too strong around him?
so how do i get to ask for what i need?
how can i tell him i need him to share about his day with me and then ask me about my day.
i need him to hug me when i am sad.
i need him to spontaniously hug me or connect with me.
is this not the time i get to do this? im thinking NOT NOW
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
update: H and I spoke casually yesterday as we got an offer accepted on our cabin or sale I let him make all the decisions about it..we talked for 8 minutes- very short- he seemed like he wanted to jump off the phone.
i was ok with it
my DB coach had said to act like casual friends ......so i texted him today to meet for lunch...i said no biggie if u cant...i was very casual.
he replied shortly and said workin. sorry and sent a picture of his new ride at work (police)....
it was so cool! he really took an effort to reply and show me how excited he is w work...i replied with a very happy text and said i was so happy for him...
so now the ball is in his court f he wants to "hang out"...
VERY CASUAL...i wanted to take the pressure off him bc of our HUGE talk last week.
i dont want him to think that we have to have a HUGE R talk...bc i actually dont
anyway- i really felt PMA and like he was being nice and friendly.
BABY STEPS
on the up and up!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Yeah, I'm trying the casual thing too. H is getting ready to take the Sergeants exam again. I helped him prep alot last time and he got 2nd, unfortunately there was only 1 slot. They are getting ready to test again, and he told me about it last night. I told him if he wanted help again, I'd be happy to help him in his prep again, and that I knew he'd do well. HE just said "ok, thanks". I'm sure he won't take me up on it, but I'm trying to do the "casual" thing too.
How long has H been a cop? Mine has been 9 years ,and I saw a pretty decent change in him in the last 2 since he became a detective. Just curious to exchange spouse stories with the job.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
I'll jump in then. My h has been a cop for 5yrs. I noticed the changes after probably 1 yr. Of course, I think he was jaded before from being a paramedic for 7yrs. He thinks the worst about everybody. Everyone is bad unless proven otherwise. We are not to open the door to ANYONE. Not a salesman, Jehovah Witness, NO ONE. He hates crowds. Carries his gun EVERYWHERE including church, family's houses, and the grocery store. Everyone is a suspect, including me unfortunately.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
