Quote: So part of me, I think is waiting for that…for him to ask me for forgiveness.
You may never get this, SB. For me, I know it was something I had to simply tell my W. At one point, soon after I found out about her A, I asked her if she was waiting for me to tell her I forgave her. Her response was that she thought I'd do so when I was ready...and pretty much left it at that. She didn't push. I simply believe it's something we have to give without being asked...
Quote: I’m starting to think that forgiveness, for me, may come in bits and pieces. Maybe this is totally against the whole idea of forgiveness, but for example.
I don't think that's odd at all...
Quote: But what still hurts and baffles me are the incredible lies he told…
I know...kind of hard to believe what comes out of their mouths, isn't it? I, too, have trouble with this, but for me it's not really a matter of forgiveness...it's more a matter of trust. I have finally reached a point where I can forgive, but can I trust her? The lines do get a bit blurred, so I can certainly understand how you feel.
Quote: So maybe the time for ME to say “I forgive you” is when I feel at peace with all of these things (and many more that will come to me later, no doubt)
I think you'll know when the time is right, SB. Perhaps it will come after you and CJ have some good talks about what went down, where his head was, etc., before this can happen. Perhaps you just need some more explanation, more understand of things before letting it go. I think this is understandable.
Quoting shinybear: BUT I haven't done this. I'm starting to think that forgiveness, for me, may come in bits and pieces. Maybe this is totally against the whole idea of forgiveness, but for example.
Actually, Brian (eskb) and I talked a bit about this on his thread. I can totally relate to what you're saying...
I struggle with the lies during the a and probably even more importantly to me -- the times when I asked him point blank and he denied the a. to me....I guess that kind of feels like insult on injury...like, it's understandable if you lie to cover your tracks but if I'm giving you the opportunity to come clean and stop this and YOU DON'T. arrgh.
Quote: Strangely, I think I forgive him (or is it just that I kind of understand WHY he did SOME of what he did leading up to bomb 3) for staying in contact with her after we were apparently making progress in MC., and I was under the delusion that she was in the past;. I can see how he could be manipulated in that fashion. It's not attractive. I wish he'd stood up to her much earlier, told me about it and took his own chances, rather than wait for her to drop the bomb on me. Can I forgive him for human weakness, fear? yes.
huh. well, you KNOW this is where I get stuck...hey, have you noticed that this has NOT been the focal point of my thread for the last couple of weeks???? I think your forgiveness here shows a lot of compassion for h.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Very helpful indeed. I think You're right that those words will have to come to me in my own time. I cannot (and haven't been, to be clear) wait for him to ask.
Just not there yet and I guess that's okay too.
Rainy and grey here today. But we're off to the Fringe Festival (travelling musicians, performance artists, comics etc.). Too bad my nephew's band is playing at an outside venue. WILL remember umbrellas this time.
Shiny, You always do the coolest stuff! have a great time tonight!The only way I can forgive is to empathize with what he was feeling; and that is low self esteem and unloved by me. If I remind myself of these things I can get past it. It seems to sneak back up on me at times, the anger and hurt of his lying and PA. I dont want to go through life with hate in my heart for what he did or even for OW. At this time I hate her but it is fading. I hope. Have a great time tonight and my H is doing something with me tonight instead of going out- any great ideas?>???? Shay
Clearly it's too late for suggestions for "tonight", being 2:40 a.m. and all .
CJ and I do some rather eclectic things at times. We play two person pictionary in which one person draws, the other guesses and there's no real scoring.
We also play the "dictionary game" in which we take turns picking words from the dictionary, or medical dictionary for the other to define.....uh, we're kind of nerdy at times, can you tell??
Well my day started out with a headache at 10 a.m, so I went back to bed and slept til...3 p.m..headache intact ...so much for my plans to work and do a work out.)
But I did one good thing and dragged myself outside and weeded my front perennial bed for a few hours. The fresh air and CJ's roasted red pepper sauce helped a lot.
Just watched a movie...plan to take in some of the Fringe tomorrow. Then off to a BBQ at a pal's place.
OH!! How could I forget! ...while sleeping between 10 and 12 I had a horrible dream in which CJ had been in touch with OW all this time and was leaving to be with her for good. Darn it! The details are lost now. All I know is that I woke from the dream, tears in my eyes, when CJ joined me on the bed to see how I was feeling. I told him about the dream as he spooned me from behind. He said "That's NOT happening". I said "I know, but I wonder what sparked the dream".
I'll have to sit with it a bit, but it could be a simple as really feeling for Jeannine and Pam right now.
Quoting shinybear: I said "I know, but I wonder what sparked the dream".
I'll have to sit with it a bit, but it could be a simple as really feeling for Jeannine and Pam right now.
Shiny
You've also been revisiting the concept of forgiveness. Was there something in the dream that stood out for you as maybe something that's blocking your forgiveness?
Just musing... Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I am still alive! And feeling better today, actually felt better yesterday afternoon, evening. Hope this time I am a bit up and level for keeps! That basement ride sucks majorly!
Thank you for feeling for me right now. I hope it doesn't get you down. It would seem maybe Sage has a good thought there?
Sure hope you are feeling better. Headaches are no fun.
I realized I think yesterday that even though David says he can't work on M that he isn't saying lets split things or I don't want to see you anymore. He tells me he loves me and he tells me he is glad to see me. So I have to start being a person he wants to see and love!
Sage has given me lots to think about lately!
So thank you for the thoughts and encouragement!
BTW When David starts posting and he still says as soon as he gets his computer to his sisters he is going too. I will give you his name so you can check on him if you don't mind. Give him some encouragement. NOT so you can report back to me!
Sorry to hijack your thread. I just hadn't been getting around on here. Too locked into everything going on with me right now! That is no good!
Take care and I think you and CJ are doing great!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
HI Pam, Absolutely send him my way or me his. That's what this is all about!
Maybe my H will have some words of wisdom to share too.
Hi Sam!...I'll be over shortly ladies!
Thunderstorms galore here this evening ...CJ and I stood out on our deck, under the eves to catch some of the light and sound show.
Pretty much work for me. CJ's on-line courses started today and he's well into it. One exercise was the Myers Briggs type indicator as it relates to work...I just took it and I must say that thing is reliable.
First took it (pen and paper) at 18, then 21, then 25, then 33, now at 40 in a different format altogether and I'm the same type every time: ENTP....Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Perceptive...although the last two testings have seen a shift towards Feeling vs Thinking.
I don't know bout the results of this one! there were others when I ran a search...I'd like to try the one you did and see if my results differ. I'm always intersted in the result I get, it often does reflect the real me and yet a me that most wouldn't consider me to be. (did that make sense?)
take the first one I...do I seem like an introvert? I know I am, I claim to be shy...sage met me in person...ask her if she thought I was even the least bit shy?
I wish he'd stood up to her much earlier, told me about it and took his own chances, rather than wait for her to drop the bomb on me. 
Can I forgive him for human weakness, fear? yes. 
...while sleeping between 10 and 12 I had a horrible dream in which CJ had been in touch with OW all this time and was leaving to be with her for good. Darn it! The details are lost now. All I know is that I woke from the dream, tears in my eyes, when CJ joined me on the bed to see how I was feeling. I told him about the dream as he spooned me from behind. He said "That's NOT happening". I said "I know, but I wonder what sparked the dream". 
...CJ and I stood out on our deck, under the eves to catch some of the light and sound show.