This is just musings...most people have thought about this before or have read similar in books, etc...nothing new from me, just my twist on it.
Men: The way to an O is obvious, easy, nearly any man can figure out how to do it during their childhood (by themself obviously). The O, to a young man, seems to be an end in and of itself. He has O's just for the sake of having O's. Other men in the young man's life will guide him about things like porn (ie: masterbation aides). They will help the young man feel that it is normal and natural to want O's, and that viewing the female body makes O's even better. As a young man, you are encouraged to look at porn and women's bodies by older men in your life and by society and friends, even while you are shamed for it by your mother.
When the young man grows up a bit and becomes sexually active, then he has to find out the sad news that it doesn't work the same way for women. He realizes then and there that she doesn't have O's like he does. He can't even really figure out how she has an O at all, because she only has this tiny, sometimes hidden area, that has to be stimulated by a magical formula in order for her to have an O. Or in some cases, a young man doesn't even know about that tiny hidden place at all, and he mistakenly believes that maybe she can have an O just by him "sticking it in her". This just leads then to more confusion, mis-information, etc. As a man matures and ages, HOPEFULLY he comes across honest and patient female lovers along his path, who show him how women's bodies work and hopefully she HONESTLY has orgasms with him, versus faking them. Many men are seriously damaged for life and don't even know it, because women in their younger days faked orgasms with them, thereby robbing the men of the opportunity to learn how to TRULY give a woman an O.
WOMEN: The way to an O is tricky, fussy, elusive, and never "easy". There are some exceptions to this - women who easily have them and always have - but for the most part, young girls can't really figure out how to have an O by themselves. They do feel the urge for one, and they feel "good" when they begin reaching for the right area and fondling themselves. But usually this just leads to frustration, not release. Having an O for a young girl is very difficult, even while it is something that eeks you toward it. You simply have no idea what you are being urged toward, because the goal eludes you for many many years.
At the same time, as a young woman, no one in your life comes to help you out with figuring this out. No one gives you "masterbation aides" and encourages you to get your rocks off. No one makes you feel it is normal and natural to want to have an O, or even for you to acknowledge these urges in your body, nor even to explain to the young girl that an O even exists! All you usually hear is that you aren't supposed to touch yourself nor let a boy touch you, wait until you are older, dont be a bad girl.
Finally at some point, most girls do figure out how to give themselves an O. For some women, this doesn't happen until they are sexually active and a partner helps them figure it out. For others, they finally start talking to friends and getting tips. For others, it happens by itself one day and they figure it out after that.
The clitoral orgasm is not something that is just "easy" for a woman to figure out for herself, unlike men.
THE PROBLEM: IMO, there is a huge problem in this world in sex education. We basically leave it up to our kids to figure it out for themselves and to teach each other. Does anyone remember ever hearing in sex ed any kind of acknowledgement that sexual stimulation causes PLEASURE? Its like, they want to teach kids how babies are born, how STD's are transmitted, and what not to do until they are married. But they give them absolutely no tools on how to handle the DESIRE and URGES they feel within their bodies.
I know that some sex ed programs are trying to advocate masterbation. But - what does that mean to a young girl who is unable to figure out how to have an orgasm - which is probably 90% of them? Masterbation to a young girl in that situation is simply frustrating, not pleasurable. For boys, it is assumed that the boys know it is pleasurable and silently, everyone just lets them have their fun behind closed doors. For girls, it is a confusing nightmare. She is never told this is supposed to feel good nor that there is a release that occurs for her, too. She learns about ejaculation in men in sex ed, but not her own release. It is never mentioned that girls also can have an orgasm. WTF? What kind of education is this?
Given that we do such a poor job teaching young people about sex ed, and then they fumble between the sexes to figure the rest out, and there is no *real* education given about technique and skill and *why* a woman's body works the way it does...what do we expect except generation after generation of sex problems between men and women.
Just my thoughts! I handled this above conundrum the only way I could: by teaching my children that sex feels GOOD and that it is one of the best things in life! I taught them this since they were very young and always made sure they understood that PLEASURE and CONNECTION is the actual reason why people have sex and why it is good. The clinical, baby making reasons for having sex make NO SENSE to a child. But hearing that sex is pleasurable and is something for them to look forward to, makes them into better adults eventually. My kids are both grown now. This is one of the ways I actually succeeded in my life. I failed at so many other things...but I succeeed at making my children have healthy sex lives.
