Yes, the BIL is my H's brother. They are alike in A LOT of ways....selfish, bad tempers, alcoholics, low self esteem & confidence, arrogant....etc. But they have differences too. My BIL HATES cheaters. My H is a cheater! BIL has let his temper turn physical. Although he uses his size to intimidate, my H has never, ever lifted a finger toward me. I guess he did keep one promise to me, that he would never hit me. Although my H let his commitment to D4 slide a little, he spends a lot more time with her than BIL spends with his D7. There are others, but those are the major ones.
I've been wanting to email you but my email hasn't been working here at work and it's been tough having time to get on at home. I hope you're doing well!!
Thanks for the hugs.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 06/20/0808:27 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Wow, they both sound extremely dysfunctional. I'm so sorry that you and SIL are having to put up with them.
I'm doing okay. I've been trying to get some things done around the house today. We are leaving for the lake Sunday for a week. H is going up Sunday with us to help set up camper. He won't be able to come back until Thurs. He has so much work going on right now. His cousins and their families will be there on and off during the week to keep us company. DD17 is taking a friend with her. DD20 and a friend hope to join us on Thurs. also. She is taking a summer anatomy class and it is held on Mon. and Wed. nights.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
mcojh- Thanks for the email. I'll try to get the info that you said you'd need.
lwb- How did you get so smart? You told me a few posts ago to expect some serious lashing out by my H. I saw a little the other day but it's really seeming to build up. He was quiet and fell right asleep when he got home last night. He got up later & was up and around about the time D4 and I went to bed. He was snippy when he was awake. This morning he got up to leave for work. He was getting dressed when I was waking up. He made the comment to me.....I bet you wish you could have some of this....while rubbing his chest. I didn't respond. Then he told me he was taking my van to work. I wasn't happy about that considering he will be wasting my gas and in turn my money, but his car doesn't have a cd player. I told him that I'd wanted to clean it out this morning. He got pissed and I told him, fine, take it. He was livid over that when he left, even though he took the van. A couple of days ago he asked if I'd want to go to lunch with him & D4 today. Then, he mentioned it again yesterday. So, after my massage today I came home & changed my clothes. I asked where he wanted to go. He was really pissy with me and said...NOWHERE! He told me he didn't want to go now. I got mad. I said, you know what....we (D4 & I) busted our tails today cleaning this place & I promised her that for her efforts we would take her out to eat at a nice place. He just looked at me and said, well, then take her. So, I grabbed D4 and we left. I made it fun for her. I took her to a restaurant that sits lakeside. It was a gorgeous day & she got to watch a mommy duck & her 8 little ones. When we got back home, D4 was asleep. I laid her on H (still on the couch). He didn't put his arms around her or say a word to her. She almost fell off the couch. Not long later he got up, grabbed some cd's and started to walk out. Not being able to resist, I asked where he was going (he grabbed my keys). He said, I'm running to the store and then grabbing something to eat. What an A$$!! I said, why couldn't you have gone with us? His response....I didn't want to. You know, if you're all of a sudden angry with me, FINE. Don't make your child suffer for it. He just makes me so angry.
One thing that made me laugh..... D4 went out on the deck. I looked out there to see her clothes laying on the deck. I looked over and saw her standing there naked. NAKED! I rushed her inside. Apparently she thought it would be fun to poor water over herself with her watering can, so she took her clothes off!.
Thanks for listening everyone!
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 06/22/0812:10 AM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
D4 is a hoot! My S3 did something similar, came waltzing into the living room in his b'day suit.
Sue, forgive me for asking, but if the van really is your van, why does H think he can just drive it any time he pleases? With his DUI problem isn't he at risk for putting your means of transportation at jeopardy?
And if/when you move out and are separated, does he still think he is entitled to free access to whatever vehicle you have?
Oh Sue (((huggggs))), what a complete A*s your H is!
I think he knows he's sh*t in his bed good this time and doesn't have a clue what he's going to do about it. He's acting like a child, lashing out this way and breaking plans with you and D4. I know it hurts you for him to act this way, but it's a sign of how unhappy his fantasy life is making him. He hasn't taken happiness from you and D4 (and you should be very proud of that!) and finally he's starting to pay the price for his choices. Can you see that? You know how to live well in spite of him and in time, that's going to be sweet revenge.
You are such a good Mommy and I'm glad you and D4 had a good time together
NoCode- To answer your question first, the van is in both our names, so he does use it from time to time. I make the payments on it though. I've just become so accustom to having exclusive use of it that I'm a little protective. And, I know that my H has full intention of having me take the van when we split.
Sheila- Thanks for the insight on my H's behavior. Even though we've been at this for a long time now it's still hard sometimes to step back and say.....ahhh, I know why you're doing this! You know, it's strange. He went from a complete a$$ to being very nice again. I almost wonder if something had gone wrong between H and OW or if he was worked up about something with her. He was a bit snippy yesterday morning too. D4 and I woke up around 8:30 and I offered to make pancakes (D4's favorite!). I asked if he would want any. He told me NO. Then, as I was making them, he came into the kitchen and made his own breakfast. Trust me, the man loves pancakes. D4 and I enjoyed them anyway!! So, he left to go workout. D4 and I went & cleaned out the van. After he got back, he was still a bit snippy, but not as bad. He left to go hit golf balls and got back around 3:15. He was in a good mood. Guess what? He'd talked to OW! He jumped on & off the pc all night too. Then, he was flirty with me, making sexual comments. He made this awesome dinner too. He even tried to rub my arm when we were sitting watching tv. This morning I gave D4 a hug when I left for work. He said...What?, I don't get one? I asked him when the last time was that he allowed a hug from me. Then I gave him a 1/2 a$$ hug and left. Not sure what's going on.
I just want away from the flip flopping of emotions with this man. I find myself upset when he's out late & on the pc or when I know he's out making calls to OW, but then I'm in a panic state when it seems like he's being overly nice to me. Like I'm afraid of him wanting to come back to me. I've come so far and he's done/said so much that I just want to be on my own (me & D4). I want away from any future pain from this man. I stop and realize that there's no way I could trust him again. I'm scared of ever being able to trust anyone again.
Well, I really need to get caught up on some things here at work. Take care & have a good day everyone....or evening for you Saffie.
Sidenote........Anyone know how Pamar is? It's been way too long since he's been on.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
H called me this afternoon at work asking if I had a minute. My stomach started to turn as I thought he was finally going to talk to me about things. Turns out he needs his vehicle fixed. It's been running poorly since the night he went out with his brother back in March & came home so darn drunk. Probably hit something. He asked if I would consider taking him up to the mechanic so he could drop it off. I told him I'd help him out with that. Need that car running! Then he said, oh, by the way, my friend *** wants me to meet him out for dinner tonight. I said, Okay, that sounds fun. His response...Not that you care, but I thought I'd tell you. Here goes my H, trying to make me feel guilty for being ready to move forward, on and out of his life. I said, now why would you say that? He said, okay, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Now, I know my H. He fully expects/expected me to call him right back or email him asking why he would say such a thing or telling him that I do care and asking him not to say those things. I'm DONE! I'm done with him making me feel guilty over nothing. I'm tired of him making me feel like the bad guy and like the one whose fault it is that we're in this sitch. For goodness sake, I thought by the time I had accepted the situation and him moving on that he'd be jumping for joy that he's free. Instead, he's trying to make me feel like a cold, uncaring b*tch. I feel like I can't win.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
My stbx does the same thing. Join the club - I'm a cold, ucaring b*tch, too! Always have been according to him.. hmmm... I can think of a number of people who are bigger b*tches than me.. Can we start with women who steal other's h's???