H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

The main 2 difficulties I have at the moment are:

1) I am in alot of pain, but to let that out with H in the hope I will get answers I need would only cause a very stressed H to go over the edge.

2) H is very keen to have a good friendly R with me for the sake of the children. I am also keen to build up a good friendship with him, but I can't work out if it is for the sake of the children or if is just not being able to let go.

Very confused. At the end of the day, this is not a R I want to be in because of what he would be 'offering' me. In actual fact that is academic, as he doesn't want to stay anyway. But I still don't want him to go. I can't believe that someone who I have been so involved with for over half my life is now slipping away... I'm not going to see him everyday (Hello? I don't see him everyday now!!!!), he's not going to come home at night, we won't spend the weekend together with the children. I am screaming I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!!

Please, someone who has read my stuff knock some sense into me. I don't want to spend all week looking forward to the 30 mins handover time I get with him... is that going to be what it is like?

I've not taken my rings off yet (although desperately want to) because we haven't really told anyone yet. But, I have found a really nice jewellery designer who does stuff that I like (instead of the boring, run-of-the-mill stuff he bought me - sorry darling) and I am thinking of having a nice ring made out of a necklace he bought me after he had got involved with my friend. That has been quite helpful in detaching I think.