I had written down some questions for him as things always seem to occur to me and then I forget them. Some he could answer.
When you had your As was there any part of you that thought what you were doing was wrong? Yes, of course. And he did feel guilt whilst they were going on initially. (Ok, so he is human then)
When your Dad had an A, he ultimately chose to stay with your Mum as he loved her. Are you not able to stay with me because you just don't love me anymore? His Dad did stay with his Mum but they have a very separate R now, they live as friends really. He said is that what I want? Because he doesn't. (Can see what he means, wouldn't want to have a rubbish R but just stay together out of cowardice)
Do you think my behaviour in our R justified your As? I very tentatively said that I understood that my behaviour in our R was difficult and that I clearly had made him unhappy, but I couldn't see the effects that my behaviour had on us were as devastating as the effects that his behaviour had had. I said he was free to disagree, or even not comment further, but I had to state it for the record. He did agree with me, he had completely 'f****d up'. I offered that maybe my contribution had been slow and constant, whereas his was more concentrated and dramatic. He seemed grateful for that.
I am writing this stuff down because it was an important conversation for me, and he spoke in a helpful way. I don't want his admissions to get lost in whatever may come. There are other questions there (he did read them all) which we may re-visit, or I might just leave. Things like, are you aware how much distress this is causing me, was it worth it etc.
In one sense he has said he was 'wrong' to do what he did, and he has shown remorse. I probably should take that and run!
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
