Bring on the Rain - Part 3

[LL44]

Puppy, Mr. Sue is a functioning alcoholic.

Sue, I thought about you last night on the way home. Heard Goodbye To You. lol Two things: 1) What does OW tell her H when she is out til 2am??? Just something I was curious about. And 2) I drive my neighbors van every day to pick up the kids in the 'hood from summer school. She is sleeping, as she is a ER pediatrician that works nights. Anywhooo...her H is in rehab for alcohol right now. In her van is a book of daily quotes from Al-Anon. I read it when I am waiting for the posse to come out of school. I wonder if you could pick it up somewhere. Its amazing, and I think would really help you.

[Sara]

Sue,

The 21 days is state law regarding leases.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Puppy, Mr. Sue is a functioning alcoholic.

I was thinking of some other addiction that would be more expensive, and that might be a threat to the family's finances.

[LL44]

Gotcha puppy....

OW is a threat to their finances. Grrrr...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

His reaction to the landlord's reasonable delay in their refund, and his seeming desperation to get his hands on just a few hundred dollars, smacks of an addiction -- drugs or gambling. Could just be some gift for OW, but when you factor in an alcoholic's already-addictive personality (and I am the child of an alcoholic), I think something is going on here.

FWIW.

Puppy

[SueS]

Puppy-

My H has always been like this. We've had similar issues like this. I remember when I was having problems with a car I had. I told him over and over that there was something wrong...Um, I mean, I'm not stupid to know that there's a problem when the heater isn't working in the middle of winter. Anyway, he kept telling me that it was fine....until I broke down on the side of the road. I managed to get my car to a service station. Well, they royally screwed me on parts, cost...etc. He flew off the handle at the station, got angry with me for not taking it to our mechanic & then called the bank the next day to cancel the check I'd written to get it fixed. Who ended up handling the mess that then followed? Not my H. He'll create a huge mess but then will do nothing to fix it. He just walks away. I mean, for goodness sake, we're almost out of this lease, just pay the last month's rent, wait the 21 days for the check and then we're done!

I will say that he has had experience with both gambling and drugs in the past. He did have an addiction to gambling at one time, but rarely does any of that anymore unless we go to the track or Vegas...still very rare. The drugs, that depends on who he keeps company with. He's very easily persuaded. I had a feeling that one of his 20-something friends was into it and possibly gave him something, but it's been a while since I've seen anything. I'm a BIG snoop when I have to be. He hasn't said anything to me since yesterday afternoon about the money. His last comment to me was....Well, it's your money, we took it from your account. I had a supplemental retirement account that I'd set up and he convinced me to take it from there, so that's where I want it to go back to. I mentioned above that I can be a big snoop, right?? I snooped this morning knowing that H had probably deposited that $2600 check from his 401K plan. He had. He deposited $2400 of it and has a little over $5200 in his account now. I think this $5200 balance is already minus the $2000 that he gave his attorney. This angers me a bit. For most of the past 6 years, we have struggled with money. Things were going better financially last year just before I found out about the A. H FINALLY is doing well with his work and within just a few short months has been able to accumulate over $5200. And do I see any benefit from it? NO!! I have worked my A$$ off, staying the stable one, putting in OT, watching H jump from job to job. I get NOTHING.

My H has been short & snippy at times the past few days, but at the same time he's been very....well, how do I put this....showy? Is that a word? He's been making sure he's naked in front of me, flexing his muscles, flirty...etc. Just one way one minute & another way the next. He's been like this before so I guess I'm not surprised.

I set up an appointment for tomorrow for a massage! I'm so excited. It's been years since I've had one. That's something that could become an addiction for me!! I also treated myself to a couple of new shirts and pairs of pants.

Please keep my SIL in your thought and prayers. I believe I mentioned that she and my BIL are going through a D. She called me today to let me know that she retained her attorney yesterday. They had agreed to go to the attorney together so my BIL could submit any information that the attorney needed. My brother has a NASTY temper. My SIL said that before the appointment they had set up an agreement on everything and that going to the attorney was just to get the legal paperwork out of the way. Well, she said that his temper flared at the attorney's office. When the subject of child support came up, he said that he wanted a DNA test because he feels that their D7 is not his. He claims to have gotten a test when she was a baby and she's not his. Trust me folks....she's his. In the car on the way home, he called my SIL an "f'ing whore" and told her that it's now war. My SIL is VERY strong but could still use a lot of prayers.

Thanks! SueS

[SueS]

lwb- To answer your questions.......

OW gets off work at 11:30 pm. She tells her H a few different stories. She's having coffee with some of the girls from work....she's sitting by herself in a parking lot crying and thinking....etc. Funny thing is that once her H mentioned to me that she and some of the girls go to Perkins for coffee after work. Last fall I remember a time when my H came home at 3:00 am. I was awake and very upset. I asked where he'd been. Answer...I was just at Perkins having coffee. There's one down the street from us. At the time I didn't really believe he was at Perkins. Turns out he probably was....just not the one by us and not alone.

Your other question/thought about the book. It's a kind of daily affirmations book?? I have it. I have to be honest and say that I haven't pulled it out in a while. I went to a Al-Anon meeting and it was given to me then. I'll pull it back out. H doesn't understand why I'd need it. He's seen it.

And Puppy.....I'm in the same boat....a child of an alcoholic. My sister, mom and I fit some very distinct patterns of children of alcoholics. My grandfather was one too. My mom & I both married alcoholics and felt the need to "fix" things. My sister was the one that spoke out to my dad, voiced her opinion. We're all really close, but she keeps herself very guarded and doesn't always let us know what's going on in her life.

SueS

[Rob1231]

This angers me a bit. For most of the past 6 years, we have struggled with money. Things were going better financially last year just before I found out about the A. H FINALLY is doing well with his work and within just a few short months has been able to accumulate over $5200. And do I see any benefit from it? NO!! I have worked my A$$ off, staying the stable one, putting in OT, watching H jump from job to job. I get NOTHING.

Sue, hon, take the long view on this one. (Note, I'm making some assumptions here and don't really know beans about this....) When the D comes around, would you rather have H's child support payment calculated based upon the money he was making previously, or on the money he is currently making?

I set up an appointment for tomorrow for a massage! I'm so excited. It's been years since I've had one. That's something that could become an addiction for me!! I also treated myself to a couple of new shirts and pairs of pants.

Now THIS is wonderful! I'm so happy to see you treating yourself - you deserve it, and this shows a nice positive direction in your attitude. Good for you!

I believe I mentioned that she and my BIL are going through a D. ... My SIL is VERY strong but could still use a lot of prayers.

Wow, your BIL sure sounds like a "piece of work" to me! I am really glad that the two of you have each other in your corners. Hang in there, both of you!

[Yoyowife]

Hi Suzy Q,

I just wanted to stop by and give you lots of hugs and to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

Is the BIL you are talking about your H's brother?

Hope you have a nice weekend with your precious little girl.

Hugs, Yoyo

[SueS]

Sue, hon, take the long view on this one. (Note, I'm making some assumptions here and don't really know beans about this....) When the D comes around, would you rather have H's child support payment calculated based upon the money he was making previously, or on the money he is currently making?

I didn't think if it that way. I have to do more research on what MN is like. mcojh could tell me too. He's from MN

Now THIS is wonderful! I'm so happy to see you treating yourself - you deserve it, and this shows a nice positive direction in your attitude. Good for you!

Thanks! Let's add in the haircut for next week. Not really what most would consider a "treat", but I'm looking at a new, fun summer style.

Wow, your BIL sure sounds like a "piece of work" to me! I am really glad that the two of you have each other in your corners. Hang in there, both of you!

My BIL has taken more than one personal tour of a police station. My SIL has called the police a couple of times. My MIL also had to call them once. My BIL came home drunk when he was living with them. My MIL spouted off to him (that's where he gets his temper & nasty mouth) and my BIL started chasing her. She got a phone & called 911. The odd thing is that although I've seen his temper & heard his nasty words, he has never once directed it toward me. I've known him for nearly 16 years now. In fact, of all the bad things he's said and done, he's actually defended me when my H acts out against me or pulls crap with me. He's done as bad or worse things than my H and yet he looks at my H as being just horrible to me. He tells me not to let him back in my life even if he comes begging & pleading. I just pray that he doesn't do any of the "D7 isn't my child" talk in front of D7. He's said some other really bad things in front of her and has had her in tears before. This would just pull her apart.

SueS