Hey, na - I was just on your thread, small board, hey? \:\)

What I have really needed and wanted all along has been the truth. And of course, that the cheating stops - that may go without saying, but I guess I'd better say it to him too, just to be clear.

The last couple of days, I have just felt as light as air, knowing that we are finally going to get everything out in the open, or as he said, that the bulls**t will finally be over. I think scheduling is going to be a problem. As I was writing this, it occured to me that we could just head over to the park by our house and sit there. I have no idea how long the initial conversation will take, but I'm guessing at least a couple of hours.

I'm feeling strong enough to just listen, although I know questions will keep coming up for me and so we will have to decide how to handle that, whether I ask questions as they come up or if we continue to schedule times to talk about it and just let it go otherwise.

H seems very happy too, to have made the decision. Last night we ML, really ML - at one point, he told me he loved me with such an open face and shining eyes. I could cry just thinking about it - I haven't seem that guy for such a long time.

I know that this is not going to be easy and it's going to hurt, probably more than I can imagine at this point, but it must be done in order for us to get that fresh start.

He wants to do things with me - we're going out with friends Saturday night, a date, yeah! The kids are going to stay home alone and I'm even okay with that. They are 14 and 12, for god's sake, they should be fine, but I'm a worrier. They will patiently answer the phone just so I can check in a couple of times will we're out, kindly humouring their crazy old mother.

He said he wanted to play golf with me this summer. The last time we played golf, it was not good, mostly my fault, ranting about chemical use on golf courses. So, when he said he wanted to golf, I said I wouldn't mention the chemicals, and he said, with a big smile, that he was "so past that".

All of this is so good, it's really hard not to get caught up in expectations. Remind me, someone, that he will probably pull away again, perhaps a few times, as he works through this. I have to keep being the person I've been lately - I like her much better than the old version, and she's apparently much easier to live with!

I could not have gotten to this point without the help of the people on this board - thank you all!!!