Sounds like he's being somewhat unrealistic. In the early part of my separation from my H, he was convinced that we shoudn't go to MC yet and felt there was little hope of reconciling as long as he still felt shame and guilt and I still felt pain and anger.
MC helped him see that this healing will be a process and probably a lifelong process. She told him that shame and guilt were there for good reason--don't try to shove those feelings away because they are the natural result of bad behaviour and betraying your partner and family.
H would love it if he never had to deal with my pain and anger ever again, but as everyone of us testify to, the healing takes time and all that stuff comes up in waves, similar to if you are mourning a spouse who died. Something will remind us or something upsets the PMA applecart and there we go again fighting the downward spiral, paranoia, and massive insecurity.
Even under the best of circumstances, if both spouses are on the same page most of the time and working hard to rebuild their marraige--this process takes time, doesn't it?
