Chris, just to reassure you I was like that for so long and still am at points. I used to restrain myself and then kind of 'burst' with it all and he used to run like the wind each time. The last time I did it he said it was over and he couldn't carry on.
I then discovered DB and realised what I was doing really wasn't helping my situation. It is strange reading about your behaviour in a book, I didn't know I was a cliche!! That was when I knew I had to stop. I went dark for a little while and vented here, which really helped. It is so much better to vent here, not only does it not drive your h away you get some excellent advice too!
I had my meet up on Wednesday with my h and it was the first one ever that didn't leave me coming away feeling like poo! I realised it was because I was that strong, independent, driven person that I always have been not the wreck that I have been for the past few months.
I am not saying that the meeting on Weds had any effect on my h but it certainly did on me and maybe he has gone away wondering what happened to me. I don't know, anything is better than what it was like before. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread just hoped it would show you that you can do it! It takes time and strength but you can.
Maybe next time he comes round and you don't have anywhere to go try going out for a quick walk to gather yourself and your thoughts. Let out the tears and emotion and then when you get back you may be able to handle him better.
