Plain and simple. I'm just still as devestated as the day the bomb was dropped. I love him so much. I love our life, and I konw the stuff we have had issues with, are so EASILY repairable. Well, not easily, but definitely can be fixed. We have so much more going for us than so many I see on here and with other stories I've heard. I just KNOW in my heart this is wrong, and this is not meant to be our journey.
And I'm still in that stupid mode of wanting to CONVINCE him. Like I could possibly after 2 months of trying, come up with just the RIGHT combination of words that would suddenly make that light bulb in his head go on.
STUPID I know. And I really am not this weak, pathetic person, I promise you. LOL Contrary to what I'm doing now, I've always been quite independant. I bought our first home in my name and with my credit only. I have my college degree. We chose for me to be a stay at home Mom together, and while doing that I became a self taught graphic designer ,and have worked with a major scrapbook product company designing. I have drive, spirit, gumption, and independance.
Have I convinced you yet? LOL
Seriously though. I know no other way to put it other than I simply just feel "broken" right now. Just pure devestation for myself, him and our girls.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
It's not stupid! It just won't work, as you are finding out! So, you have to stop yourself, because not only will it not work, it will work against you. Try to remember that, maybe think about it just before you know you'll be seeing him. Don't ask him about his plans, don't tell him about your dreams!
I'm going to try to read about your sitch in the next day or two, so you don't have to type it all again!
Well, now you know what doesn't work. Don't do it again. You've got to find a way to be rock solid strong in his presence. You can break down the minute he walks out the door, but not when he's around. It's counterproductive....and we've ALL done it. It's almost instictual, but you have to fight it if you want to save your marriage at all.
There's a lot of us law enforcement wives here too. I'm one.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Glad you moved over here Chris, you will get some good advice.
Yep, we have all done it. It takes a while for it to sink in that it doesn't work. He isn't going to give you the answers you want right now so you have to stop asking him. I pratically pushed my H to file for D with all my pressuring and badgering.
You have to have some interactions with him where you ask him no R questions. If you bring up the R everytime you see him, he will start avoiding you like the plague. Trust me, I speak from experience.
Now, the good news is that he is coming over a lot....so you have a lot of opportunities to show him what he's missing! When will he be back?
Have you brought up anything about your D with him? How is she doing?
Chris, just to reassure you I was like that for so long and still am at points. I used to restrain myself and then kind of 'burst' with it all and he used to run like the wind each time. The last time I did it he said it was over and he couldn't carry on.
I then discovered DB and realised what I was doing really wasn't helping my situation. It is strange reading about your behaviour in a book, I didn't know I was a cliche!! That was when I knew I had to stop. I went dark for a little while and vented here, which really helped. It is so much better to vent here, not only does it not drive your h away you get some excellent advice too!
I had my meet up on Wednesday with my h and it was the first one ever that didn't leave me coming away feeling like poo! I realised it was because I was that strong, independent, driven person that I always have been not the wreck that I have been for the past few months.
I am not saying that the meeting on Weds had any effect on my h but it certainly did on me and maybe he has gone away wondering what happened to me. I don't know, anything is better than what it was like before. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread just hoped it would show you that you can do it! It takes time and strength but you can.
Maybe next time he comes round and you don't have anywhere to go try going out for a quick walk to gather yourself and your thoughts. Let out the tears and emotion and then when you get back you may be able to handle him better.
Hey there Chris. I just wanted to stop by and say hi. Sorry you're here. I understand where you are coming from completely. Just another law enforcement wife added to the group. We are a rare breed aren't we? We are required to be made of steel to support them in their career but when they break and take off on us they have the support of the blue wall and we have what? Law enforcement wives aren't like military wives. We're not involved in each other's lives because of our H's privacy issues. Am I right or is this just my experience?
Stay strong and don't try to show or tell him how wonderful and salvageable your M is. He has decided it isn't and no amount of words is going to change that. Show him through your actions the woman you are. Be happy always around him regardless of how you are hurting on the inside.
((((((((((((Chris))))))))))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
