Here is a web site that is good reading with helpful, encouraging articles.
I have never joined. Have thought about it a time or two but you can still read articles on there whether you join or not. They even have what sounds like a VERY active support BB!!! Imagine that!
You put two perfectionist together and it can get interesting.
Question for you, in the beginning of your post you mention anxiety being a problem. I was wondering what some of the ways are that you worked on those feelings?
Thanks a bunch for your posts on my thread! I had posted a couple just as questions and the other one I finally decided to start and actually keep up with!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi, Shiny...hope your PMA is strong today! Sounds like a tough weekend. Hang in there!
We have all had strep (I think I've complained about this recently!), and now the house is A MESS!!!! I'm going to try to clean clean clean today...just thinking about your weeding - sometimes that is the best therapy!
Yes, I should be sleeping. Had a pretty good day, marked a late paper (awful one too), collated my grades, posted them. Cleared away most of the papers and school stuff that have accumulated on our "dining room table" Ha! over the last 6 weeks. Worked on that until dinner, which CJ very kindly prepared.
Watched some surgery shows during and after dinner (maybe I should have been a physician, nothing grosses me out). Then I had the bright idea to check my e-mail.
Well, I got a scathing message from a disgruntled student who accused me of not caring about my students and just trying to trick them with my exam questions.
I was floored! I've NEVER once had such a complaint in 14 years of teaching. OF COURSE I couldn't just let it go.
I e-mailed her back with some stats to back me up. For example she scored 55% on her essay questions, while the class AVERAGE on them was 80%! (I gave them a week to prepare!)
Heck I even remarked her essays and gave the ungrateful b!tch 3 bonus marks (out of 20) for additional material that wasn't asked for in the question!
Oh but that wasn't enough for 'ol anxious shiny here, I then proceded to spend 3 hours writing up a 7-page summary of each multiple choice item she got wrong, with the correct answer AND the % of the rest of the class who DID get each one right. OY! I'm crazy for sure!
I haven't sent it to her yet, and might not. When in doubt, do nothing, right? Still it made me feel better to know that A LOT of the questions she got wrong were ones that 70-100% of the rest of the class answered correctly , clearly vindicating me of those "deliberate trickery" charges.
Oh, Geez SAM, can you imagine what kind of basket case I'd be if I were in your shoes right now? I'm really hopeless when it comes to criticism or accusations. I'm saying a little prayer for YOU right now, because this is NOTHING compared to your sitch.
Heck it's nothing compared to most people's problems.....
Ah, SB, a pox on that disgruntled student!!! I'd say that 14 years w/o a complaint is a good enough statistic for me! But, I too would have compiled all the percentages, etc
Do you get to get some rest now that grades are posted?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I hope you got to sleep in this morning after your long night!
Hmm..that trait in me is one that aggraviates my H. Can't let something go. Have to defend/answer it!
Rotten student blaming you for her not studying. I think the numbers are in your favor!!
At least you had a good evening with H before student spoiled!
I bet it feels great to have got those papers graded and posted and the "dining room table" cleared away! It always makes me feel good when we decide to "find" our "dining room table"!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hey Shiny: Just a few thoughts on your recent posts.
The Bullpucky Award goes to that student who projected the fault for her lack of reading comprehension skills onto you.
You say your H is still recovering from your old behaviour: critisism, sarcasm, controlling, etc. Does your H realize that you are coming from a place of fear and anxiety when you did that? Might help him have more compassion to know that. Good for you that you were able to tell him what you wanted to hear from him to feel safe.
About the no-lovin' problem: the more I learn about men going through MLC, the more I think we should refer to it as male menopause. Some guys take a BIG drop in testosterone levels--not to mention all the additional age-related health problems and depression that can cause them lack of libido and need for Viagra!
So now we girls go through our sexual peak at about 30-40 at the same time they are going through their menopause. Doesn't seem right, does it?
Hi Sage, Pam and Talista (and everyone else of course!)
Yest Tal it does seem like a big cosmic joke! Alas it seems to me that our "lovin'" problems have been around for a lot longer than an MLC could explain. I do suspect a drop in testosterone (for CJ),mine, I believe has always been high (hence the "tiny little mustache"...sorry guys, I DO take care of it!!).
I DID feel better after my obsessive checking on that test, used some good DB smarts and DIDN'T send it to her. Guess what I found this morning? A polite reply to my original message to her thanking me for my prompt and courteous response and saying that her low mark was "no fault of mine" .
Phew! I really do let cricitisms get to me. Thought I was getting better and maybe I am. Another minor victory today:
I have this tendency to misplace things (as if the description of my "dining room table" didn't drive that point home ) and today I couldn't locate my workout outfit. I knew I had the top part on Sat. as I wore it when we took our bike ride.
But instead of my "usual" freakout, throwing things, griping, yelling, swearing ( ) I just looked and looked, CJ actually offered some help (brave man and sure enough there it was...in my underwear drawer where I'd put it while "straightening up" on Sunday.
Also very nice: CJ found a recipe on line for California Citrus Salad which he is making for dinner .
Also nice: He went to watch his niece play baseball while I did a TWO HOUR work out with the stereo cranked. Man, that felt GOOD! As did the long soak afterwards.
Oh yes and CJ also sent me an e-card today with a personalized message about not letting that student get to me (along the lines of your posts) and also a cute graphic of two toads in love..."Toadally in Love...Forever!"
So how's that for a great day???
CJ just came home and we went outside to check the status of a baby sparrow I saved from the clutches of one of our cats today. We had it in a box, but it got out and is now fluttering around our rasberry bushes. I sure hope it can move fast as there's a stray cat hanging around right now too.
Oh and Talista, I really never thought to associate the sarcasm etc with my anxiety, although the basis of it all is likely fear, right? Good food for thought.
Well I helped with dinner and the salad was superb! The Pinot Grigio complemented it nicely and all was well.
That is untill around midnight. I'd just finished frenching my finger and toenails, was enjoying my smoothly shaved legs and thought "What better opportunity for a little lovin'?"
So I worked up my nerve and for the first time in...I can't even remember, months, made a sexual advance. I entered the living room, straddled CJ (on the couch) and proposed a sexual encounter involving whatever he wished. (Meaning...no pressure for intercourse, just ANY sexual contact!).
His response? No kiss, no caress..."How about tomorrow morning" (When 99.99999% of our infrequent sexual encounters occur). I asked "What's wrong with right now?" He said "I have a stitch in my side". I suppose my disappointment was evident. He offered a rain check.
The rejection hit hard and I just got up, went to the bedroom, tore off my thong and came in here to check my e=mail. He came by and we ended up sitting in the back room talking it out.
It's true that CJ has intestinal woes, but when I asked earlier today he said he'd been taking the fibre pills again and it was better. He didn't mention that after that huge salad it was acting up again.
I reiterated with the fact that there are many mornings when I have headaches, kidney pain, dry mouth and that doesn't stop me from responding sexually. He pointed out that he is not me. True. (Does anyone else see the cruel gender reversal in all of this??? ).
He did say during this conversation that he appreciated my advance, but in my mind it was a little late as my feelings had already been hurt. I went on to (unhelpfully) point out that perhaps tomorrow (when he suggested the rain check) he might feel the same way, or I might not be in the mood (ya, right!).
He had to explain a few times for my thick head that such comments rather sabotage what could be a very good thing tommorow. To me it was like a preemptive movve...anticipate the worst and you won't be disappointed, right? Maybe not.
The conversation went well once I started to really LISTEN and let some of the hurt subside. It's just very hard work up one's nerve after so very long, thinking the timing is perfect, only to be shot down.
But to be fair, CJ did offer to make good on this tomorrow night. Just seems to me that this might entail even more pressure on both of us, but I'll be optimistic none-the-less.
So all in all...progress. We talked it out. Each of us felt heard.
I still do wish my guy couldn't keep his hands off me, wanted me, desired me, made advances. But with all of the other wonderful qualities CJ has, perhaps there is a trade off?
For example i know of couples whose sex lives are dynamite, but other areas of communication, finances, work division etc are a mess and a source of great strife.
So the main message to this post is COMMUNICATE! I still feel hurt, but I look forward to what tomorrow holds in store. Advantage: it's HIS move! (And you can bet that unless I'm passing a stone or suffering a migraine I'll be up for the fun ).
It's now 2 a.m. so I may have time to check on a select few.
Imagine that! 
and just trying to trick them with my exam questions. 
