Free drinks N_hill - I was never any good at that. My GF's would get freebies from men and bartenders at bars all the time. I think it is b/c I am flirting challenged... Sigh - now I have motivation to learn to flirt.
Hi Everyone:
We are going to try a 180 to address The Appearance Issue.
Several years ago I use to post about "diminishing" myself at work b/c upper level partners appreciated me and mid-level partners were threatened by me. Well - at one point I decided I was going for the brass ring - if someone is threatened by me that is THEIR problem and I shouldn't make it MY problem.
So let's apply that to my neighborhood. I posted about H's hitting on me, making comments that annoyed their W's, women annoyed by the attention I get sometimes. Well that would be THEIR Problem - and once again my diminishing myself I am making it MY Problem. The H hitting on me problem is done - I had to take some very direct action on that one - so they are too scared to hit on me anymore.
So here is the 180 - my wardrobe is a little limited at the moment b/c well with that whole The Bloat and The Bulge issue. But what if I decided to look nice everyday... What if I made it a goal to never leave the house w/o mascara and lipstick and powdering my nose. What if I upped the wardrobe from total casual to classy casual.
Men really don't seem to care. But women - well I am tired of being bullied by them. I am tired of the backward indirect pressure that I feel. So I am simply not going to even acknowledge it or take ownership of it.
So in that spirit, I am sucking in The Bulge to wear black/white capri pants and a black summer sweater with white sandals with 2 inch heels - which brings my height to 5' 11".
Oh yes - I decided to shower today - just kidding - I am not that bad. But hair down and even earrings! I feel like I am dressing for a prom! LOL!
Let's see how this works out. Women are tougher to take on than men. Men fight with you directly. You know where you stand. Some women do silly sneaky behind your back gossipy ganging up on you in packs thing. And they make snide comments that you can't always call them on or pin them down on. Sometimes you don't even know you are engaged in an undeclared war with till you hear about something that they said about you to someone else.
I have to take responsibility for allowing this behavior to intimidate me. These types of women are intimidated by attractive women - so it is time to be attractive. If you are going to be the subject of somewhat malicious gossip - well it is high time I gave them something to talk about.
There are two kinds of being me. The ME I develop. And The ME that just is.
I have developed a comfort level with taking responsibility for the good and the bad that I develop that is in my control. As we got older, some of my friends are more successful professionally that others. And your group changes and shifts to those that are at your level - whatever that may be. And really compromising your standards against your better judgement leads to issues like PC. There is backstabbing and jealousy.
This is a little difference b/c really it is luck of the draw. But once again, it is all about accepting life's filter. I need to be me. And let that operate as a natural filter.
Alcohol can be an excuse to be stupid and yes, sometimes H's in the neighborhood say things that annoy their W's when they drink at parties and that means I get the backlash.
And there was a poster that posted that I whined about my appearance and played the victim b/c I didn't know if the men that were attracted to me were for me or my appearance. She was right - no so constructive how she presented the statement but there is an element of truth to it.
And really can a millionaire really tell if the P wants them for their money or love.
This dynamics is true for everyone on some level. All initial attraction is physical in the beginning. I myself want that. There has to be chemistry to go to the next level. And everyone has people that are attracted to them that they aren't attracted to and the other way around.
Male Patent Girlfriend said that you have to lower your guard to a reasonable level - b/c the "good" men will respect a woman's boundaries and the freaky ones are clueless and are the only ones that will approach a woman with overkill boundaries. And since they are clueless about the concept of boundaries - they will ignore your boundaries and even through they are too high - you have to fight harder to maintain them.
As for the catty women. They will talk no matter what I do or say. So what is the point of diminishing myself. So from now on - I am going to be me and let the chips fall where they will.
I have been wanting to go classier with my wardrobe for awhile anyway. I need my comfortable cotton for gardening and working. But when I go out - it will be classy casual.
This deciding to date thing is not so bad after all. And no. I won't pretend to be a flight attendent at the party. I will be open minded and relaxed and freak out if I meet someone single that appeals to me.
Yes, it is. I really am enjoying driving that car.
Are you enjoying your long summer days? Did you get the Red Maple planted at your mothers?
I am dealing with tree angst in my neck of the woods. The emerald ash borer has been found in some trees in my area. It is a little unnerving - how quickly the city moves to cut down infested trees, wood chip them and haul them away. There are city tree specialists all over the place inspecting the trees. I poured an insecticide that "vaccinates" ashes around the base of my three ashes last weekend. It can take a week to 3 months to work its way through the tree. I am hoping I was able to protect them in time. I wish I could cover up and hide my trees.
I have closed all my mini-blinds. I simply cannot "enjoy" summer today. I have to finish the piddly work on my desk - and that includes mostly preparing and sending out invoices.
I am as ready as I can be at this point to head out into the "big bad dating" world. Mindset is important part of the process for me - otherwise I could meet someone incredible and find some way to justify "running away."
It is a little like looking for a job - if you never send out a resume - it is unlikely someone is going to come knocking on your door to offer you a job.
I need to put myself out there. And this fundraiser is the first time I am putting myself out there in a long time. Not that I expect to walk out of there with someone - but then again I have sent out hundreds of resumes at different points in my career to get one job or the right job.
It really is uncanny that I post about making it a goal to attend fundraisers to put myself out there - and one plops into my lap the next day...
Anyway, I am not ready to say I am actively looking. I am ready to day that I am not averse to meeting someone. So I am creeping along the mindset part of dating! LOL! I feel that I am stable enough in the other parts of my life to take a risk with my emotions.
Really what is the worst that can happen - I meet someone and they don't like me or I meet someone they end up "firing" me or I struggle with having to "fire" them. Been there done that - and yes, I am still standing. And if I meet someone - I will probably be all bouncy and insecure - fine I will deal with that if and when it happens.
Okay - since my goals have a weird way of happening - dare I actually write it down.... Okay really scary part... My goal is to go out on a date with someone that intrigues me. There I did it! Okay, now I am going to go hide.
It doesn't matter to me if someone drives up in an old Honda or a Bentley. There will be a pre-nup regardless of whether I have/make more money or he does.
My goals have an uncanny way of coming true... So I have to make sure the goals are precise...
Yesterday's stated goal:
My goal is to go out on a date with someone that intrigues me.
Well I had to go to the vet's to pick up fluids for my cat Wiggie and well that involves driving through a toll booth or two. In line, prior goal to always leave the house with mascara, lipstick and power - I did take the time to dress casual classy.
I had $3 and change in my purse and was a little pre-occupied about whether I had enough change... So I drive up to Toll Booth #1 and the tollperson says "a lot of sentences" that I think are about paying more money - I really can't make out what he is saying. And I am thinking - oh no, the tolls have gone up - I am not going to have enough cash on me!
Well - it turns out he was flirting. Couldn't really make out what he was saying what with all the noise from traffic. And then I hear clearly "Can I take you out to dinner tonight?"
I just said I was sorry but I was working late that night. I guess he was intriguing in the creepiness department. I find myself wondering when things like this happening - are these man for real?
Need to redefine dating goal and write down on the magical BB...
My goal is to go out on a date with man - where I feel like doing a happy dance b/c we have a date.
Now, of course, I have to get back to work and plough through my never ending to do list. Work keeps coming in - but fortunately no deadlines before the end of August.
And I am motivated to get my work done b/c I have TWO social engagements this weekend! Trader Joes where I worked is having an anniversary party! And then there is my fundraiser on Sunday.
I am meeting another neighbor GF for lunch next week. She is away on a seminar this week. I am going to do whatever mingling is necessary with the rich housewives b/c I will have kids growing up here and playing with their kids. But really I feel much more comfortable and have far more to talk about with the neighbors that work. And they are as busy as I am and let the social stuff goes to the bottom of the list priority-wise - so I am taking the initiative to call them.
Ahhh.... I hear my magical lawn mowing crew outside. I love that I no longer have to mow my lawn!
It is beauoooooootiful outside - wish it would rain a little - so hard to focus when you feel like gazing out the window into your garden!
