All I can say is i disagree with people who say don't put a time limit on it. You shouldn't be expected to let it drag on and on until she either finds someone else or decides to come back. You deserve a loving committed wife and can't put your life on hold indefinitely.
You guys are all great, it was an awesome night as I said I had my old W for an 1 1/2 it was comfortable.
Too comfortable for W I guess, it didn't take but 24 hrs for it to change as I/we all knew it would, the turtle crawled back into her shell. LOL! Good thing I had no expectations or I would be REALLY disappointed right now. W was texting earlier this evening and then came the digs. I told her the shirts she had bought didn't fit. She says well you have lost too much weight. I said I have lost some. She says I could tell when I hugged you. I said I have only lost 15 lbs. She says well so the shirts are to big and I liked them. Im like WTF why are you slammin me, her reply was I still know how to get to you!! I said no the shirts are too SMALL, I need XXL not XL, I said I have may lost weight, but I have but my muscle mass back on. Well it's my fault you lost the weight, it's ALL my fault. GEEZ will it EVER end? Ironically her cell phone went dead and POOF she is dark again.
Wallow in your own self pity, life is too short. Too have something within your crasp and you can't reach it because of the indecision. I'm not getting on the coaster screw it, if she wants me she knows where to look if Im there so be it I/we don't deserve this, there are plenty of other women out there that would love to call me boyfriend/husband. Don't misunderstand not angry just hurt, going dark it's safer on my heart.
So let the 2x4's commence at this point it would be feeling something real!!!
Oh No !!! Okay, so it's easier to do what's normal & comfortable. That doesn't mean you won't have more times like last night. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hang in there bro, this is where you have to continue being the man she wanted to hug again. I'm not sure from the texting how the conversation was tone wise etc or the subsequent one regarding your W and D11 chatting about the meal, but, I can see similarity in most threads. When the WAS seems to let their mind wander from the hate and they start enjoying themselves and having feelings again, it's as if when they realise, the remind themselves it's not for good. so to combat the positives they have given you, they have to be double nasty to get the control back in the sitch and knock you back to the ground again.
I'm seeing it myself at the moment, W ok all week, then says life is unbearable when we go to MC !!!
GL Bro, hang in there. Do something nice by yourself this weekend to take the mind off and refuel, you've had a rollercoaster of emotions this week
You guys are all great, it was an awesome night as I said I had my old W for an 1 1/2 it was comfortable.
Too comfortable for W I guess, it didn't take but 24 hrs for it to change as I/we all knew it would, the turtle crawled back into her shell. LOL! Good thing I had no expectations or I would be REALLY disappointed right now. W was texting earlier this evening and then came the digs. I told her the shirts she had bought didn't fit. She says well you have lost too much weight. I said I have lost some. She says I could tell when I hugged you. I said I have only lost 15 lbs. She says well so the shirts are to big and I liked them. Im like WTF why are you slammin me, her reply was I still know how to get to you!! I said no the shirts are too SMALL, I need XXL not XL, I said I have may lost weight, but I have but my muscle mass back on. Well it's my fault you lost the weight, it's ALL my fault. GEEZ will it EVER end? Ironically her cell phone went dead and POOF she is dark again.
Wallow in your own self pity, life is too short. Too have something within your crasp and you can't reach it because of the indecision. I'm not getting on the coaster screw it, if she wants me she knows where to look if Im there so be it I/we don't deserve this, there are plenty of other women out there that would love to call me boyfriend/husband. Don't misunderstand not angry just hurt, going dark it's safer on my heart.
So let the 2x4's commence at this point it would be feeling something real!!!
Oh No !!! Okay, so it's easier to do what's normal & comfortable. That doesn't mean you won't have more times like last night. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.
All I can do is 'try' and 'read' the signs/vibes she is putting out, I know it's not right but what else are we LBS's suppose to do. She made the comment again that at the 'dinner' it was nice, but was 'familar' now is that good or bad? Obviously by her slammin me tonight it was bad. IDK, my mind is spinning abit like I said last night I need to take a step back myself, detach alittle deeper and try & put things back in perspective & lose the emotions.
SC appreciate what you have done down by your signature, that means a great deal to me *TY*
I loved what you wrote about your birthday dinner with your wife:
That getting on the rollercoaster was worth the price of admission.
No one claimed to remain emotionally stable and predictable during one of the most stressful experiences in life, much less the individual who decided to step away. Think of the emotions that cycle through you in a day and multiply by 2, 3, 4.
The one who leaves has to justify their departure, something that runs contrary to their beliefs, especially when children are involved. They have to build a wall between them and their spouse to allow this change to occur.
I know when I talked to spouse today, everything was about him, how he sucked it up while we were together... it was the HIM show.
Your wife is opening to you, then getting scared. Think of a sea anemone.. whose tendrils are so lovely but swoosh back in at the sign of danger. She's swooshing now after enjoying her loveliness.
There's no doubt you're a great guy who is making her feel comfortable enough to relax at times. She still has the old messages looping through her brain. Who knows if she can change them, but you're playing a tune she wants to listen to.
Hang in there bro, this is where you have to continue being the man she wanted to hug again. I'm not sure from the texting how the conversation was tone wise etc or the subsequent one regarding your W and D11 chatting about the meal, but, I can see similarity in most threads. When the WAS seems to let their mind wander from the hate and they start enjoying themselves and having feelings again, it's as if when they realise, the remind themselves it's not for good. so to combat the positives they have given you, they have to be double nasty to get the control back in the sitch and knock you back to the ground again.
I'm seeing it myself at the moment, W ok all week, then says life is unbearable when we go to MC !!!
GL Bro, hang in there. Do something nice by yourself this weekend to take the mind off and refuel, you've had a rollercoaster of emotions this week
The tone was one of SMARTA$$ plain & simple with her comment of "I can still get to you so easy" real nice thing to say, why not just say I have the strings that control you I am the 'puppettier'. I think you are right, heaven for bid something might feel good & be right oh no quick run back to your shell. I guess what I am trying to say is, don't use me as a gauge to try and figure out if this is something that she still wants.
I loved what you wrote about your birthday dinner with your wife:
That getting on the rollercoaster was worth the price of admission.
No one claimed to remain emotionally stable and predictable during one of the most stressful experiences in life, much less the individual who decided to step away. Think of the emotions that cycle through you in a day and multiply by 2, 3, 4.
The one who leaves has to justify their departure, something that runs contrary to their beliefs, especially when children are involved. They have to build a wall between them and their spouse to allow this change to occur.
I know when I talked to spouse today, everything was about him, how he sucked it up while we were together... it was the HIM show.
Your wife is opening to you, then getting scared. Think of a sea anemone.. whose tendrils are so lovely but swoosh back in at the sign of danger. She's swooshing now after enjoying her loveliness.
There's no doubt you're a great guy who is making her feel comfortable enough to relax at times. She still has the old messages looping through her brain. Who knows if she can change them, but you're playing a tune she wants to listen to.
Just keep being the incredible you you are.
*hugs*
Gypsy, you hit the nail on the head the 'me show' gets old, there are moments of clarity & then the fog rolls in as we all know that is the 'rollercoaster' I thank God everyday that I have found this place, this sanctuary of peace & truth. It gets tough to remind ourselves everyday that we are in control of our own happiness, but when you get thrown a bone it's nice to eat some of it up; as SC once said her 'love bucket' is getting filled by her now & some by H but the holes he drilled in it are still there; How profound is that.
Hi. I know last night was rough. I vented at you, which my anger should have just stayed at bay inside myself. I am sorry!!!!! No, I did not get much sleep. I thought about everything. I am sure you thought I was being a total B$%&* when it came to the shirts also. I re-thought that. Anyone would have taken it the way you did. And, rightly so. I wanted those to fit, because I like them so. Again, I am sorry.
My mouth still has a tendency to engage before my brain does. :-!
I guess I learned a lesson today, 'thou shalt not judge.' I am once again humbled by me ignorance...
I had a feeling your W might come to realize how she had acted. Funny how that works. Now if only if she can be like this all the time and you are willing to put your foot in your mouth and wait for her to fess up.
my stories
M-31 W-28 S7 D2.5 T 8, M 4 W filed 2-14-08 D on hold 3/08 D off hold 5/08 D to be final on/by Nov 08 Anniv 9-4 looked hopeful
Hi. I know last night was rough. I vented at you, which my anger should have just stayed at bay inside myself. I am sorry!!!!! No, I did not get much sleep. I thought about everything. I am sure you thought I was being a total B$%&* when it came to the shirts also. I re-thought that. Anyone would have taken it the way you did. And, rightly so. I wanted those to fit, because I like them so. Again, I am sorry.
My mouth still has a tendency to engage before my brain does. :-!
I guess I learned a lesson today, 'thou shalt not judge.' I am once again humbled by me ignorance...
Brian
This is my response back to W...
I love the shirts, as I said I just want them to be right, I want you to see me in them and like how they look on. I didn't take you as being a b*&#$ I knew the meaning behind them, it's cool really. I appreciate, your apology but it's not needed part of being husband & wife is being able to be yourself around the other without fear to show how you are feeling.
I don't know if I said what I meant right in this, but this is how it came out, only time will tell if it was good or bad
