HI SAM, HI Sage

Sage, it's kind of a combination of both. Often CJ senses when I'm "down" or something's bugging me and asks. Then we start to talk and I bring stuff up.

I suppose I'm very fortunate that he's open to sharing this stuff with me. He offered the info on not thinking about OW on his own.

Had a bit of a moment at a shag on friday night. (for the non-Canadians that's a benefit for soon-to-be marrieds). We picked up my old best pal (we're talking kindergarten here) J and she and CJ sat side by side, while I sat next to CJ's BIL across the table. We were all having fun, but the two of them were really joking around, chatting, etc.

I wasn't feeling all that well (headache) and the place was HOT, stuffy and you could cut the smoke with a knife. Well at one point in the evening a woman sitting down the table (CJ's neice's boyfriend's sister) said... "Oh! YOU'RE CJ's wife, I thought SHE was"

And, well, that got to me. It made me think about what CJ was probably like when he was out with OW, all charming and funny, cracking her up. Like he was with J. I went to the bathroom and the heat + stress really got to me. So I went outside for some fresh air. CJ followed shortly.

He wanted to leave because I was "p!ssed off" at him, but I convinced him to go back in, I'd go when I cooled off. J came out and chatted with me and we went back in together. She sat next to me for the rest of the night.

You see, J was pretty much the only pal that CJ didn't feel "judged" by back when the sh!t hit the fan in early Dec. I know it's because she has been the OW in the past and loves CJ like a brother.

We had a nice Saturday, breakfast out, shopping for ingredients for my famous pasta sauce. We visited my folks for Father's day (a day early) then I cooked my butt off while CJ did yard work. We had wine with dinner, then took a nice long bike ride.

Still.......no physical connection apart from a few pats on the behind each way.

Today we went to a BBQ at his sis's place and had a great time. I really love his sisters and Mom.

I weeded the yard from around 8-10 p.m. (remember it's light this far north! ) I would have done more but the mosquitos were following me around the yard (please no West Nile virus!!! ).

Then CJ helped me figure out some stuff on the computer for my class grades. Always a contentious thing for us...I tend to panic and get frustrated. But it didn't go toooo badly, I think .

I know I'm disappointed in the no-lovin' status, but what can I do? We just had that "discussion" on Tuesday!

And to top it off, I've been working out like a fiend this past week and stepped on the scale tonight to see what it wrought....

I GAINED another 5 pounds!!!!
WTF??? Please, someone, tell me it's not because I turned 40!!!

Oh well, time to quit grousing and check on some of you.

Shiny