Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

Hi Guys, thanks for the responses. Today was literally devastating.
Man, I cannot even think straight. I'm literally shaking while
typing this.

TODAY

After I posted on here I was getting ready to take the girls
to the amusement park and I saw that the mail came and she
left papers on the island again. This time they were the papers
filed, filing number/docket number and the receipt for paying in
full for the divorce. As you can imagine, I was floored and
this was not a good way to start the day.

BTW - My daughters are 13. (twins) I have sat them both down and
talked to them in depth about what happened to me, exactly why
it happened and how it affected me all these years. They totally
understand, they forgive me for anything that happened in the
past and told me that it was ok and they really do understand.
They are amazing kids and I feel so bad for the stuff they have
had to go through because of my problems. We get along great
now and it's a total 180 from all the bickering and resentment
of the past. All they want to do is hang out with me now. Mountain
biking, movies, games etc. etc. Our relationship is getting
so much better and we are really close.

They are not taking this divorce well at all. In fact they are
really devastated by it. They are also extremely aggravated that
my wife has been going out all the time, not spending time
with them and they see all the hurtful spiteful stuff she is
doing to me, which really adds to the problem so you can imagine
how they act out towards her, which also adds even more stress
and gets my wife even angrier at me because of cause she blames
me.

We went to the amusement park and even though we had a good time
it was really awkward. We never went there as a trio before, we
always went as a family. It was sad and they girls new I was upset
even though I tried to hide it. I could tell it was really bothering
them to that she was not there. They even tried to talk her into going
right before we left, but she wanted no part of it.

TONIGHT

When we got home the girls went right to be and I grabbed a shower and
went up in our room. I noticed some stuff moved around again and then
I saw that W tore up a letter I gave her a few months ago. This was a
letter where I basically poured my heart out and verified my love for her.
It was a very special letter and to see it torn up in the garbage was
unbearable. It was left in a way where I was meant to see it.

Me Like an IDIOT went downstairs and confronted her (sort of) I said. "I
cannot believe you tore that letter up." She said "give me a fkn break
already and get over it. I want you out of here." It ended up getting
into talk about the relationship... well if that's what you want to call it.
It was more her just saying all kinds of crap. I don't remember word for
word what all was said but here's some of the things that was tossed
at me:

"I've asked you over and over to leave and you are still here. Do something
for me for once and move. I can't stand you being here"

I ask her what she is so angry about and why she is pretty much projecting
nothing but hate towards me - she said "she is sick of everything and just
wants to be happy. We are not good for each other, too much has been done
already and she wants out"

She also mentioned again that I should go stay with my friend. I had to
stress again that she is a friend nothing more period. Cynical comments
like yeah right, you're a liar etc. followed. She said "I don't want you
talking about me to anyone and I said likewise. She said she only talks
to people because they are understanding etc.

She keeps bringing up stuff in the past that occurred while I was going
through manic episodes etc. She said she has too much resentment and
cannot get past it. (even though she just got passed it a few months
ago when we were getting along great) when I mentioned
that fact, she said she was lying and not really happy. That's bull
though, I mean she was going well out of her way to show her love and
we were getting along great... there was nothing fake about it.

Says she does not want to hate me. She cannot ever tell me
her real feelings.

I tried to explain again about why exactly I had the setback. She
said it's too late and she does not care.

"I'm glad you're helping yourself and I see you're fine now, but
I've seen it all before. In three months you'll have some other
episode. I try to explain that you cannot compare this to anything
else because I never changed my diet like this nor was I on this
particular treatment program. I so tried to get her to understand that
but she just gets pissed off and attacks me.

I have a lecture video taped from a neurosurgeon that goes into great
detail on exactly what happened to me related to blood/sugar as well as
gluten intolerance. There are clinical studies, overviews of specialized
hypoglycemic diet and a lot of detail on anger, irritability, rage, depression
etc, all a direct result of that. She refuses to even watch it. She says
she does not care... she said i still have bipolar. I said even if I did
have bipolar that's also caused by diet and deficiency. She said she still
does not care as too much has been done and she cannot go through any
misery anymore. She wants to be happy. I said so do I! Then it was back
to us not being good for each other and all the crap that happened in the past.
She was going on about stuff i did the kids too, which has already been resolved
with them, but she still keeps hanging on it. About me no being there for
her and how many times she had to go to family and friends for support etc.

She said she does not want to be married and i could walk through fire
for her now and It would not matter. She said she though long and hard
about the divorce and would not have paid for it in full if she was
not 100% sure that's what she wanted.

"I know in my heart this is the right thing to do, you don't think it
is now, but you will later. You'll thank me later for doing this"

"We both need to be happy and we cannnot do that together"

"We had fun, but it was only once in a while, there's too much stress
in the realtionship"

"Everyone sees these problems but you, you refuse to see them and think
everythings going to be fine, you need to let me go already"

"Nothing you or anyone else says or does is going to change my mind"

"All I want you to do is have a good relationship with the girls like
you're doing now"

"Yeah, you're fine now, but I cannot take a chance of you going back into
some crash/episode again"

"The girls are really messed up because of you"

"I don't even want money from you... just move out now"

When i mentioned about her always talking down about me to other people she
jumped and said that she always defends me and that even when friends
were telling her to get out of the relationship she stayed strong. Huh?
she totally turns her back on me when I need her the most.

I noticed she was really annoyed that I was talking to other people. She
kept saying go talk to your friends or go live with them. Then she said
"they'll see how you really are... then see how understanding they are."

I was like well who do you talk to and what about the cheating that
you admitted to. She got defensive and said "it was just for emotional
support and the same thing you were doing" she said she did not have
sex with anyone and it was not about sex, It was about understanding
and being there when she needed them. I didn't press any farther there.

She then started picking out thing from the past and different episodes
to point out I guess to justify to me her actions. I validated some of it, but
I was starting to get annoyed and said I'm done arguing and went up stairs.

It's like she cannot have a normal conversation, she has to constantly
drudge the past up and slam it on the table. She absolutely refuses to
see the real problem (the illness) and the cause of it.She has blinders
on to it and refuses to even look at it. I overheard the girl trying
to tell her about it to and she was saying again that it won't last
and that she's been through it too many times. etc.

It's so frustrating when she won't even try in the least bit to understand
the problem I was dealing with that caused the last episode and
countless ones before.

I said to her - you explain to me how all of a sudden I have a balanced
state/mood almost instantly and it's not from diet and nutrients. She
just says she does not care and does not want to hear it. When I try
to explain it with backed up facts and proof positive she just get defensive
and angrier and brings more past garbage back up.

I'm trying to think of some of the other stuff she was going on about, but
I'm drawing a blank. I have not seen here this determined before. She was
high agitated the entire conversation, even while i was in a good mood. That
only seemed to get her angrier. I was like, it seems like you don't want me
to be happy or you only want to see me upset, angry or miserable. All i want to
be is happy just like you want and I don't see how running away from marriage is
going to accomplish that/ Working together to overcome problems is what I've
always wanted and still want.

Again she just said she does not care and that i need to get it through
my head and face reality that we are getting divorced. Then back to the comments
about moving out.

SPITE

I mentioned in the other post that she does spiteful things just to get at
me. For example, here's some of the things she's doing.

We both have myspace pages. I try to stay away from hers because she puts stuff
on it to aggravate me. She changed her relationship status to "single". She'll
add songs that are geared to hostile breakups, revengeful breakups, sluty songs
etc. She'll put comments related to going out and being free, feeling wanted
and needed etc. She took all the photos of me off and deleted any comments I posted
in the past.

I know she does it to try and get a rise out of me, but I'm not biting, but
it does play a toll on my emotions.

I have some code on my page so I can tell who visits and I see that she is
there daily. In fact a couple times a day. I have my profile set to private
and she is not in my friends so she cannot see it. I did that related to
the "mysterious" comments related to DR/Db. I mean the first thing she does
when she goes online is head for my myspace.

She talks on the phone extra loud about going out and partying. She knows
It bothers me. She tries to pretend shes super happy, but I can tell that
it's a show to aggravate me. She'll leave pictures of celebrities that she
thinks are hot lying around. She even put two on top of the tv. I mean its
ridiculous.

Sleeping in another room. Not acknowledging me or ignoring me.

Right now i have pretty much zero faith or confidence in her and can definitely
see her following through the divorce right to the end no matter what anyone
says or does.

I have no clue what to do. I'm totally devastated by all this. What kills me
is that I finally felt so great that I had FINALLY OVERCOME this massive
problem that I have death with for all these years. I felt, damn, finally
we are going to solve this and be happy and instead... everything went totally
opposite and negative. It really sucks to that we have mostly mutual friends
and most of them are with her side. They are pushing her into it too and validating
and encouraging her every move.

- Scott