Well I think the fat lady may be warming up. Why you ask? Well to be honest over the last month or so my wife has continually distanced herself from me. First she stopped calling the girls when they were with me, second if I called when they where with her she'd pass the phone to them as soon as she could, third she has now done things to do what ever she can so she doesn't have to see me. She'll also not chitchat with me. Sure she'll listen to my chitchat but not chat back, in other words she won't share little things from her day or life with me, the nothing things.
OK on the third, first a backslide, on Tuesday I called the girls and also spoke with my wife. During that call I invited her to dinner with the girls and me on Friday. I'm getting the girls from camp Friday afternoon but have to go by the house to get their bags. Initially my wife accepted the dinner invitation but tonight she said she was going to our beach house mid afternoon. (I noted in her tone as we talked that it seemed she was only talking with me to be nice.) Well part two is I had planned to take the girls to the beach Sunday for the day with a buddy and his kids meaning we'd be there early Sunday morning. Tonight my wife told me she was coming back Saturday night. So clearly she doesn't want to see me.
So all I can say is after 19 months is, I guess she's finally pulling the trigger. The thought of it hurts like hell but I'll get through it. I really had a renewed sense and faith in us but I think I was only wishing. If this is the end, so be it, I've stood thorough it all and that for me is something I can be proud of. Still it hurts like all get out but I know I stood, stood for the commitment, for the vow I made, a vow that came from the bottom of my heart, from my very being, from love. Yes, I will always love her, she will always have a piece of my heart, there is a special place there reserved just for her. This is the woman that captured my heart so completely I'd give my life for her.
If this is the end, well all I can do is love her completely, love her enough to set her (and me) free. (You know the whole love and let it free bit.) At some point hopefully someone will steal my heart that I can love them back in the same way. For now, I have two wonderful daughters that I can love and be a super Dad to.
So if this is the end, so be it. I have loved completely, loved unconditionally, loved through every part of my vows, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, for better for worse. And I will love her until death due us part.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
