What do I want from life?

[sage]

Thanks for the kick in the A$$, Sage. You're right, I'm whining, but not really doing much MYSELF to push things in a better direction. Point well taken.

Hey -- did I say you were whining??? I just had my DB hat screwed on really tightly yesterday so I was being "solution oriented" PLUS, your post helped me see that I was a bit mired in the "everything has to be fixed all at once" stance myself....

For me, the weird thing is I can go for days not even really remembering the horror of this last year. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Ahhhhh...that sounds like heaven to me! But...I know what you mean by....

Part of me wants to keep it close (part of the reason I hang on to the "evidence") so that I don't forget the enormity of what was done to me. Why would I NOT want to forget? So that I don't allow it to happen again, I suppose. I don't really know. Perhaps to remind CJ at some point of the incredible nature of most of it? I feel sometimes that he has forgotten and put this behind him rather easily. I could be wrong, but that's the feeling I get sometimes.

I was re-reading my journal a few days ago and I had written (way back when, actually) that I was concerned that the a. was no longer a focal point and that concerned me....my fear is that if I don't remember, it'll be too easy to slip back into old patterns and if H. doesn't remember...well, that he'll have another one. Do you guys ever talk about it? I can't remember if you're in C. together...

Good stuff with the 3 positives!

Sage