Wandering Poster - Two Dozen

[7 Year Itch]

OK, I will tell you my perspective on that with our situation, and perhaps it might give some insight to what your w might be feeling, although obviously elevated.

H and I were both very much in agreement about me being a SAHM. We both agreed it was the best ,and a very important JOB. Now I put JOB in caps, because somewhere along the way, I started to feel that H did not truly value my contributions to the family, and didn't see it as my JOB.

He'd "say" the right things. He'd make comments about how ahead our girls were in certain areas due to all the work I do at home with them etc. Then finances got really tight. He was having to work more and more off duty jobs (he's a cop). He wanted me to look for a part time job. Well, he's also on the SWAT team and on call 24/7. At the time we had NO one that could take the girls with NO notice should I have been at work, and he got called out on something. I tried to get a job a few times and was upfront with the perspective employers about this situation. I assured them it didn't happen all THAT often ,but that very occasionally there could be times that I'd have to leave on very short notice.

As you can imagine, that went over well. I could not find a job. So I worked on trying hard to find employment at home. Luckily, I found it, and it paid well for a couple years. Then the company I was with folded ,and we were back to H having to work a lot of off duty jobs etc.

Resentment built. I don't think he has a true perspective (still doesn't) on what my days truly look like. I'm not home eating bon bons and watching the soaps. He was working his BUTT off, and saw me at home with the girls, and while he STILL will not outwardly admit it, I know resentment grew.

As I sensed his resentment, the compliments from him about my JOB with girls didn't come anymore, and I started to feel more and more devalued. Unfortunately, society doesn't give a SAHM much sense of worth since you aren't paid, and their aren't necessarily benchmarks for success as a SAHM, so when I stopped getting the "support" from the one person who's support meant the world to me, I started in turn to build resentment back.

He always loved my independance, and intellect, and somewhere along the way, I think HE started to view me the way much of society views SAHM's and well, it hurt (and still does).

So after that long winded response, I guess in our situation, simple compliments and acknowledgment about the JOB I was doing would have gone a long way. It's VERY hard to feel dependant on someone ,but strangely I never felt that way when I truly felt that my contribution was as equally valued.

It was only in the last couple years that I started to feel "dependant", and it came more from things he "wasn't" doing (acknowledgement, compliments etc.......) rather than things he WAS doing if that makes sense.

It really does a number on your self esteem, and it is about a 1000 times worse when you feel that from your spouse. You already get it so much from society, that to have your own spouse look at you in a "less than" light, is really devestating.

Chris