Yeah, maryangela - it's not about the affair. Good men can fall prey to the dopamine high of an affair.
It's about his weird, abusive, controlling way of trying to deprive you of fair custody of your daughter. THAT'S the reason you shouldn't want him back. THAT says something creepy about his personality. And I'm betting, the farther you get from him, the more clear if will become to you that he always was a sick puppy.
I've seen a lot of stories in my years on this board. MOST guys who fall into affairs do a lot of crazy and despicable things, but MOST of them have the decency not to try to win total custody from the spouse they left behind. (Sadly, this is not so true of the women WASs). Your H is different from most, he has a weird streak in him. Be wary. Get things settled legally, then have as little as possible to do with him.
And I'd be very careful in this instance about dating. Yes, it would drive him crazy to think about you dating. But in this case, I'd be afraid he'd lash out at you by trying to screw you over in some way. Wait until the legal stuff is settled before you let him know ANYTHING about you dating, okay???
